This is about 2017

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I started this post in another post riding the train about a week ago. But the other post didn’t feel right. Not that it was forced, but more about it not really delivering what I wanted to say. I think that December put me in an awkward space beginning with my brother’s wedding. You know that you’re getting older when your immediate family starts getting married and stuff. I finally experienced what most people hate; the “Are you next?” question. My parents and friends think that I’m secretive about my dating life but it’s more about the lack of dating and the confusion I choose to experience with my ex. So, I am not bringing him home or anyone else until I am sure or convinced enough that somebody actually wants my ass. After the wedding, I became lazy at work, which means, it’s time to go. I don’t hate my job, I just wish I were in a more fulfilling position. Next, school was physically bussing my ass and still is. Lastly, over the last few years my parents and I have not been in the best space and this causes me anxiety. The holidays make me sad because I am not happy with them, their poor decisions, and I am sacred as life keeps ticking because I feel the pressure of providing for them and I don’t have a family yet. Y’all, I am stressed out right now.  Continue reading “This is about 2017”

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Reflection

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My absence is a result of simply not making time for this space. I can say that a lot was going on before this post but not much of anything that I couldn’t stop by to say a word or two. Like check-in, complain about the same shit that everyone complains about, talk about the political climate like I care, or talk about the things I promised myself that I would separate myself from that clearly I haven’t, and yes all of the above could had been said since my last post but I simply did not make time. Continue reading “Reflection”

Ok, I’m here

It’s the middle of October and I finally made it here.

There’s a lot to say because there’s a lot to feel this month.

I’m learning that my words are powerful and that I am choosing to be silent.

I’m happier in other areas of my life than others but I’m well.

My no meat diet is in full effect but carbs are controlling my life.

I went to the gym to blow off some steam in hopes that my neck pain will subside but the fluctuating temperature has other plans for my neck.

Knowledge is power and I’m praying that I can effectively apply something that I had learned in a training this week to a future meeting coming in a couple days because as simple as my job is, it can be difficult at times too.

I can be a bit more positive, but give me some time to process, I’ll do better soon. I’m looking forward to some well needed time off in the beginning of next month. Trip? Maybe.

How has the month been going for you?

Safety

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I purchased that grey acrylic chair through a craigslist ad back when I was rooming. I had no business buying another piece of furniture while living in that room but I couldn’t say no to it. I contacted the seller, jumped in my car, drove to Brooklyn, placed my new chair in the back seat, picked up some flowers from a farmer’s market in that neighborhood, went home and spent almost 3 hours figuring out where I wanted to place my chair. I placed my chair in the corner of my room, next to a window that seemed to be the perfect spot. That summer I spent most of my afternoons in that chair thinking and drinking a cup of tea. Those months were filled with confusion, pain, transition, love, forgiveness, sacrifice, and lots of patience. That chair became a space to reconnect. Continue reading “Safety”