I have so much to say but unfortunately, I cannot find the words. My emotions are on high, I’ve been drowning in my feelings all week, and I’m not sure how to just feel this shit out.
This has been one of the hardest task of my life and here I am finally done. I will not go on and on but when I’m in the space to say more, I will.
Can you believe it’s almost May? I can’t believe it either because it feels like fall in New York City. I cannot wait to take my talents to the south so I can enjoy the warmer climate. But about April…..
I celebrated my 29th birthday with my family and a few close friends. I think cutting cake became a family tradition a few years ago if birthdays were during the week, so it was only right to invite too many people this year in my tiny studio apartment for cake. I wasn’t the happiest at the start of my day but the love was felt by the end.
I’ve been in crunch time mode this month trying to finish up a couple classes and adjusting my time management at work. Goal number two is on the way and I need to find the motivation to keep pushing through. Look out for me June 7th.
Scrolling through Instagram stories, one of my favorite bloggers expressed that she felt sad and realized that she was still grieving the loss of her mother. She continued to express that it was okay to be sad, cry, or be in a funk because it’s part of the process. This resonated with me because I too am grieving. The loss of my grandmother still triggers me, a recent break up has me completely torn, and an old friend died a week ago during heart surgery; I’m grieving.
The biggest assumption about me is that I am strong, but I feel too. I feel a lot more than I want to and sometimes I sacrifice more of myself to comfort others so I appear strong. Today I am proclaiming that I am currently weak. And there is nothing wrong with being weak, I’m okay being weak. I took my ass to a therapist and asked for help to become stronger again because I am feeling right now. I may or may not be quite in May but I most definitely will be much better, THANKS to my bomb ass therapist!
Thanks to my Friend Kenny: Amanda means “Will not Fall” in Igbo.
Affirming: “I WILL NOT FALL”
How was your April and what are you anticipating for May?
It’s 3:25 AM and would you believe that I just hosted over 10 people in my studio apartment, just packed my bags for a quick trip to Dallas, cleaned my entire kitchen, swept my floors, mopped my floors, and I need to be in a Uber by 4:15 AM to get to my 6:05 AM flight all while running on about 5 hours of sleep? Continue reading “#YEAR29”
As I had shared, I live right above the train line. So I can’t completely lie about my lateness because mass transit is convenient for me.
I think it’s extremely unfortunate that my reason for always returning back to my blog is whenever I am unhappy. But, these last couple of years haven’t been the best. Have they been the worst, no, but I wish for more enthusiasm. Continue reading “April, the musings of March”
It’s a gloomy morning. Awkwardly the New York City air smells and reminds of the sea, this is the closest it has felt to springs since spring, the bird are singing and I so badly wanted to know what they were happy about because I wanted to be happy to. Continue reading “To tell the truth,”
For almost two years I spoke about my desire to visit Ghana. One of my closest friends visited Ghana with her spouse and invited me on their next trip some years ago. However, they had a baby and choose not to visit again until their daughter was much older. I played with the idea of going alone for a long time but my year of 2017 prioritize a major debt that would allow me to complete a major goal in 2018 (details in another post). I traveled in the states instead of out the country in 2017 because it was affordable but once I settled my debt later that year I told myself I will make Ghana happen. Continue reading “Ghana happened,”
