What my depression looks like…

A few weeks back I was struggling with my feelings between happiness and sadness. I am very aware/ openly diagnosed with mild depression and I knew that something wasn’t right so immediately, I try to get myself in check. Below, is what my depression looked like as I rose this morning, I woke up to my HOUSE a mess. Desperately wanting to just jump back into the bed, I decided to fix my space. Am I the only one that prefers an organized space?IMG_2102Well maybe not.

I’m sharing this so whoever may read this does not feel alone. It’s okay and you’ll get through it. What may work for me may not work for you but do what does. Taking long walks, visit your favorite restaurant, buy a new plant, whatever!  Let’s get through this together.IMG_2138

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Where were you in this photo?

The best thing about being in NYC is being able to be the first to go to anything created. This city is made for the creatives. Tonight I was reminded of how fortunate I am to have this access. I love my city to my grave but I still need to give my “future children” a better life than the madness in NYC. Continue reading “Where were you in this photo?”

I will not…..

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January 2018, Union Square Park

Can you believe it’s almost May? I can’t believe it either because it feels like fall in New York City. I cannot wait to take my talents to the south so I can enjoy the warmer climate. But about April…..

I celebrated my 29th birthday with my family and a few close friends. I think cutting cake became a family tradition a few years ago if birthdays were during the week, so it was only right to invite too many people this year in my tiny studio apartment for cake. I wasn’t the happiest at the start of my day but the love was felt by the end.

I’ve been in crunch time mode this month trying to finish up a couple classes and adjusting my time management at work. Goal number two is on the way and I need to find the motivation to keep pushing through. Look out for me June 7th.

Scrolling through Instagram stories, one of my favorite bloggers expressed that she felt sad and realized that she was still grieving the loss of her mother. She continued to express that it was okay to be sad, cry, or be in a funk because it’s part of the process. This resonated with me because I too am grieving. The loss of my grandmother still triggers me, a recent break up has me completely torn, and an old friend died a week ago during heart surgery; I’m grieving.

The biggest assumption about me is that I am strong, but I feel too. I feel a lot more than I want to and sometimes I sacrifice more of myself to comfort others so I appear strong. Today I am proclaiming that I am currently weak. And there is nothing wrong with being weak, I’m okay being weak. I took my ass to a therapist and asked for help to become stronger again because I am feeling right now. I may or may not be quite in May but I most definitely will be much better, THANKS to my bomb ass therapist!

Thanks to my Friend Kenny: Amanda means “Will not Fall” in Igbo.

Affirming: “I WILL NOT FALL”

How was your April and what are you anticipating for May?

Intentions and Goals

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Yesterday, I received a text from my cousin reminding me to journal because of the eclipse. Over the last few days I’ve been trying to find something to put on paper. My emotions are on high, my heart is extremely soft, my vulnerability is evident, and I’m honestly overthinking shit.

I sometimes just want things to move smoothly but not perfect. I try to think this way with almost everything but with September approaching and being a very crucial month, I’m on eggshells. I just want it to be smooth. However, for things to move as smoothly as possible I need to work out some intentions and goals for the last few months of the year. It’s imperative for me to see all these intentions and goals through to my next steps. Continue reading “Intentions and Goals”

Hello May

Hello May! 
For personal reasons, I’m ready for you to end.  
I ended April by taking a random day trip to Maryland for business/family visit. I seen my niece for the first time and lets just say that we’re best FRIENDS! Leaving New York City is teaching me everyday that living here is not forever but will always be home. I’ve been super planning since my return. Let’s just say I’m aiming for Summer 2018 to move my life, it’s time.
Now that school is “almost over”, I am able to do some well needed research on self care and wellness. I’ve read somewhere that it is normal to need human touch and I sure did get a Swedish massage this morning because it’s the closest thing I’ll get to human touch for awhile. Lordt knows I needth that massage!
I deactivated my personal social media accounts to give myself a well deserved break. I need to focus and I hate to be distracted. I’ll admit, the lying on social media sometimes gets me, at times I think that I missing out or messing up. Taking this break is teaching me again to TRUST GOD’s TIMING.
Seeking another domestic location to see. If I back track, ATL, NOLA, TEXAS, and The BAY are on the list. Maybe ATL in June and The Bay in July, Texas in August, and NOLA in September, it’s an idea, we’ll see.

New post coming soon, any plans for May?