I am sitting in front of my computer trying to figure out how to start this post and that is a problem. Why? Because I promised myself that nothing will be forced. So instead of over thinking I’ll make this simple.
My anxiety was at an ALL TIME HIGH in January because nothing is new. I have only been continuing my work that I started in 2017. Due to life’s many changes, a lot had resurfaced in January that I had to deal with head on. Let’s just say for the start of February, I’m better.
My previous commissioner of my department would start our staff meetings with “What’s going well”. Taking some notes from her book, instead of focusing on the bad/indifferent, I’ll talk about what’s going well.
The countdown begins and I was able to complete a course that I kinda ignored majority of the semester within two weeks. Now imagine if I had managed my time more effectively and completed the course in the beginning of the semester instead? Whatever, it’s done. I’m in the hardest part of completing this degree because I’ll be between 6 courses until June. It is February, so before you know it, I’ll be done. I’m super excited and starting my grad school research but pray for me because we’re not done yet.
It seemed like every Thursday (which is my Friday) was stressing me out. My supervisor’s leadership style sucks and due to the conflict that I experience with her and others due to ageism (that’s for another post), they are teaching me about the communication skills the “love of my life” had been fussing with me about for YEARS! More about listening and clarification. Things come in full circle and I’m glad that it’s happening now because I will officially transfer into a new department in a few weeks where I will be utilizing what I had to learn. GROWTH.
It’s there and it’s challenging as hell. We’re taking this to GOD. This is for another post too.
I’ll be somewhere every month until May. I went on my secret trip that isn’t so much of a secret but due to the parties involved, I’ll ask permission to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth; ONE DAY. Two international trips scheduled and ready for departure! I cannot wait to post in March!
Until then, what’s going well?
In this moment, I would rather be curled up with the person I love because they smell good and it just feels like the safest space to be on Earth but I am gathering the words to type this post. I don’t know what to say or where to start, but here I am.
Let me be as clear as possible, nothing has changed. This year I didn’t really write out my thoughts and goals. Why? Because nothing has changed. (I lied, I’m working on limiting my swearing). I’m in the same place as I was a few months ago and I think it’s because currently GOD is working on my timing. I believe that the change is going to come somewhere around August when I’m aligned with my biggest task of this year, which is, MOVING again.
I want to blame my emotions for the feelings that I am feeling right now but it’s really my weight. I guess I was happy last year because I gained almost 20 lbs and now I’m suffering. My body is telling me it’s time to get back in the groove of things but my favorite Little Debbie donuts have gotten the best of me. It’s easy for me to commit back to exercise but it’s actually making the time.
I have a few more classes and I’m out of school until my move or until 2019 fall. School is still busting my ass. I’m in need of a random secret getaway but I have not convinced myself as yet. However, in the next couple of months, I’ll be taking my first international trip since JA 2016, details to come soon.
I think I am rambling and complaining and not saying much but at least I said something.
I’ll attempt to look past the under 20-degree temperature tomorrow and actually try to change the weight.
Happy New Year or whatever.
I started this post in another post riding the train about a week ago. But the other post didn’t feel right. Not that it was forced, but more about it not really delivering what I wanted to say. I think that December put me in an awkward space beginning with my brother’s wedding. You know that you’re getting older when your immediate family starts getting married and stuff. I finally experienced what most people hate; the “Are you next?” question. My parents and friends think that I’m secretive about my dating life but it’s more about the lack of dating and the confusion I choose to experience with my ex. So, I am not bringing him home or anyone else until I am sure or convinced enough that somebody actually wants my ass. After the wedding, I became lazy at work, which means, it’s time to go. I don’t hate my job, I just wish I were in a more fulfilling position. Next, school was physically bussing my ass and still is. Lastly, over the last few years my parents and I have not been in the best space and this causes me anxiety. The holidays make me sad because I am not happy with them, their poor decisions, and I am sacred as life keeps ticking because I feel the pressure of providing for them and I don’t have a family yet. Y’all, I am stressed out right now. Continue reading “This is about 2017”
My absence is a result of simply not making time for this space. I can say that a lot was going on before this post but not much of anything that I couldn’t stop by to say a word or two. Like check-in, complain about the same shit that everyone complains about, talk about the political climate like I care, or talk about the things I promised myself that I would separate myself from that clearly I haven’t, and yes all of the above could had been said since my last post but I simply did not make time. Continue reading “Reflection”
This post started at 12:37 pm, on the 5 train, two stops away from my destination.
The problem with October and actually posting was making time for it. Continue reading “Cliché, a little”
It’s the middle of October and I finally made it here.
There’s a lot to say because there’s a lot to feel this month.
I’m learning that my words are powerful and that I am choosing to be silent.
I’m happier in other areas of my life than others but I’m well.
My no meat diet is in full effect but carbs are controlling my life.
I went to the gym to blow off some steam in hopes that my neck pain will subside but the fluctuating temperature has other plans for my neck.
Knowledge is power and I’m praying that I can effectively apply something that I had learned in a training this week to a future meeting coming in a couple days because as simple as my job is, it can be difficult at times too.
I can be a bit more positive, but give me some time to process, I’ll do better soon. I’m looking forward to some well needed time off in the beginning of next month. Trip? Maybe.
How has the month been going for you?