This picture explains my summer so far. The sun, the beach, and this reusable straw cup. My hair has been like this for a week because this New York City humidity is out of this world, I haven’t learned how to use products to maintain the frizz, and I am only doing protective styling on my mini trips. About trips….
I’m no longer taking those mini secret getaways anymore. They’re missed but I’m still able to get away. I’m working on my relocation to Dallas, Texas and have made a few friends on my random visits. I recently came back from Dallas and I had a blast. I enjoyed free meals, the warm air and sun, I went to church with a friend that weekend, and watched a music video being tapped at the pool of another friend’s luxury apartment complex. I love the pool but my skin hates the chlorine. I’m excited about the future transition to Texas but everything happens in time.
This summer reminds me of my best summer – #summer2014. I traveled to a few cities after my international trip to Paris, I spent my summer nights in the city (Manhattan), and my weekends in Brooklyn. I was hanging out with my friends and everything felt normal for once. This summer is almost as close to that summer and I’m happier than the last three summers to say the least.
Summer is zooming since were already in the middle of July, but I’m gearing up for the fall. I’ll start caring about my twist out again and prepping for my GRE studies. It seems like I’m career hopping but I might be thinking about kids in the next few years and I can’t have them in New York City or without some good benefits/education (this can be a WHOLE post but no rant here), I THINK. My anxiety and overthinking won’t allow me to think otherwise, someone please convince me to think differently, I’ll continue to pray on it.
Nothing major to update I guess for now. Healing, growth, unlearning, and progressing – Currently.
The best thing about being in NYC is being able to be the first to go to anything created. This city is made for the creatives. Tonight I was reminded of how fortunate I am to have this access. I love my city to my grave but I still need to give my “future children” a better life than the madness in NYC.
As I sat in the first inaugural podcast show with all the other people who fell inlove with the Black Girl Podcast, the ever so outspoken Scottiebeam pointed to the original podcast photo and asked her friends “where were you in this photo?” Immediately I thought about the photo above and some others in my iPhoto library.
April 24, 2016 :
The other love of my life just turned one. Man I love that kid, he makes my heart melt every time I see him. Prior to his birthday party I stopped by a brunch to meet up with my cousin and a long time friend that was celebrating his birthday too. I remember wanting to keep my outfit very simple and making my lips pop. I felt good in my clothes and I think I was at my healthiest. I later went to participate in with the kiddos at the birthday party. That night I picked up “The love of my life” at the airport. I knew that I would later cuddle in his arms and wake up with him the next morning. That was a good day for me.
However, there’s more. During this time I knew I was experiencing moments of depression for all types of reasons. I was fighting with my parents, the “love of my life” and I were still fighting about us, and my living situation aggravated my soul. But the one thing that made that photo memorable were the morning runs. I worked so hard on my peace why I ran almost every morning. I felt sane, in a way that I’m missing now. I feel like I let everything that happened get the best of me. I went back up a size, my breast are a triple D, and my skin is begging for water.
Thanks to this live podcast, I’m inspired to get like that girl in the photo above. Somewhere in time I forgot to love myself. A little inspiration always helps.
Okay so I need y’all to follow me. My favorite part of Mary J. Blige’s Thick of it all is when the beat drops at the end. Why is this important? Well I feel it’s the “you’re not going to stress me out” moment because I start dancing lol. Continue reading “Compromise”
So at a little after 4 this morning, I jump out of my sleep. I’m in the nightmare part of a breakup. You know, you start dreaming all kinds of things about that person. Not to go into so much detail, at minutes to 5 I tell myself “it’s okay” and I drift back to sleep. Continue reading “Luck”
Can you believe it’s almost May? I can’t believe it either because it feels like fall in New York City. I cannot wait to take my talents to the south so I can enjoy the warmer climate. But about April…..
I celebrated my 29th birthday with my family and a few close friends. I think cutting cake became a family tradition a few years ago if birthdays were during the week, so it was only right to invite too many people this year in my tiny studio apartment for cake. I wasn’t the happiest at the start of my day but the love was felt by the end.
I’ve been in crunch time mode this month trying to finish up a couple classes and adjusting my time management at work. Goal number two is on the way and I need to find the motivation to keep pushing through. Look out for me June 7th.
Scrolling through Instagram stories, one of my favorite bloggers expressed that she felt sad and realized that she was still grieving the loss of her mother. She continued to express that it was okay to be sad, cry, or be in a funk because it’s part of the process. This resonated with me because I too am grieving. The loss of my grandmother still triggers me, a recent break up has me completely torn, and an old friend died a week ago during heart surgery; I’m grieving.
The biggest assumption about me is that I am strong, but I feel too. I feel a lot more than I want to and sometimes I sacrifice more of myself to comfort others so I appear strong. Today I am proclaiming that I am currently weak. And there is nothing wrong with being weak, I’m okay being weak. I took my ass to a therapist and asked for help to become stronger again because I am feeling right now. I may or may not be quite in May but I most definitely will be much better, THANKS to my bomb ass therapist!
Thanks to my Friend Kenny: Amanda means “Will not Fall” in Igbo.
Affirming: “I WILL NOT FALL”
How was your April and what are you anticipating for May?