Ode to 2018: Edited

Most of my year has been: open my laptop, stare at the screen for five minutes, start typing, delete, delete, delete, save, never post, repeat five days later. I’d come up with all sorts of things in my head but could never organize in a word document. Truth is, it’s been an extremely emotional year. The levels of emotion that I’d experienced, I just didn’t care to share. Over the course of this year, I looked back at what the hell I’ve written throughout the year and it’s not much positivity. So, I’ve decided to blame all that shit on my twenties. Unlike the stories I’ve heard, my twenties weren’t filled with partying, random drunk nights, and all the other shit. My twenties were more like trauma, fixing, unlearning, relearning, growing pains, heartbreak, mourning, therapy, weight gain, etc. and I have less than 5 months left in my twenties- I’m looking forward to getting out of this mess. Continue reading “Ode to 2018: Edited”

Nothing has changed but my weight

IMG_9794In this moment, I would rather be curled up with the person I love because they smell good and it just feels like the safest space to be on Earth but I am gathering the words to type this post. I don’t know what to say or where to start, but here I am. Continue reading “Nothing has changed but my weight”

This is about 2017

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I started this post in another post riding the train about a week ago. But the other post didn’t feel right. Not that it was forced, but more about it not really delivering what I wanted to say. I think that December put me in an awkward space beginning with my brother’s wedding. You know that you’re getting older when your immediate family starts getting married and stuff. I finally experienced what most people hate; the “Are you next?” question. My parents and friends think that I’m secretive about my dating life but it’s more about the lack of dating and the confusion I choose to experience with my ex. So, I am not bringing him home or anyone else until I am sure or convinced enough that somebody actually wants my ass. After the wedding, I became lazy at work, which means, it’s time to go. I don’t hate my job, I just wish I were in a more fulfilling position. Next, school was physically bussing my ass and still is. Lastly, over the last few years my parents and I have not been in the best space and this causes me anxiety. The holidays make me sad because I am not happy with them, their poor decisions, and I am sacred as life keeps ticking because I feel the pressure of providing for them and I don’t have a family yet. Y’all, I am stressed out right now.  Continue reading “This is about 2017”