This is about 2017


I started this post in another post riding the train about a week ago. But the other post didn’t feel right. Not that it was forced, but more about it not really delivering what I wanted to say. I think that December put me in an awkward space beginning with my brother’s wedding. You know that you’re getting older when your immediate family starts getting married and stuff. I finally experienced what most people hate; the “Are you next?” question. My parents and friends think that I’m secretive about my dating life but it’s more about the lack of dating and the confusion I choose to experience with my ex. So, I am not bringing him home or anyone else until I am sure or convinced enough that somebody actually wants my ass. After the wedding, I became lazy at work, which means, it’s time to go. I don’t hate my job, I just wish I were in a more fulfilling position. Next, school was physically bussing my ass and still is. Lastly, over the last few years my parents and I have not been in the best space and this causes me anxiety. The holidays make me sad because I am not happy with them, their poor decisions, and I am sacred as life keeps ticking because I feel the pressure of providing for them and I don’t have a family yet. Y’all, I am stressed out right now.  Continue reading “This is about 2017”

Nouvelle Année

This year started way better than it did last year. I was in between tears, frustrated with my job, was ready to be on my own, I was in my feelings over my ex that I missed like crazy but wasn’t trying to act on my emotions because I learned that shit got neither of us anywhere but the current place we’re in right now (nowhere), and school was busting my ass. Yes, it was one of my few depressive states. I barely spoke to my friends, I sat at happy hour alone many nights because it was the only entertainment I was willing to accept. I was not a happy person at all but look how things change in just a year!   
Okay so here are the resolutions for the new year: 
Go back to the gym
Read 5 books
Go on an international vacation 
Buy more art for my apartment 
Take 5 national trips (The Bay, Chicago, New Orleans, ATL, Texas) 
Buy myself something really nice 
I’m entering a new journey this year. I start my new job tomorrow, I’m anticipating my submission for graduation in a few months, and all the amazing things that God has for me! I’m praying for good health and to see year 28 in April. I’ve been praying.

Do you do resolutions? If so what’s on the agenda? 

Last Hours : Embrace the Uncertainty

I went back to 12/31/2015 to read my Last Hours post because I do resolutions. So let’s back track shall we, 
2016 resolutions, yes I do resolutions, 
Drink more water
If I don’t like it, I will say so
Say NO!
Lose 10 to 15 more pounds
Save more money
Finish spring semester smoothly
Take a trip for my birthday (currently planning)
Be more active on my blog
Tell the people I love that I love them
Give love one more try
Hmmm, I actually drink more water because juice isn’t satisfying at all. I make it very clear what I do not like in every aspect of my life (YOLO). Saying no has become easy to do. I honestly haven’t gained/lost weight at all which upsets me and makes me happy because a few weeks ago I thought I did gain but my doctor confirmed I actually didn’t lose or gain since my last annual visit. I saved money and spent it (explanation in the updates). I’m an A student! I made it to Jamaica for #YEAR27 and I got to say hello to my grandmother at her final resting place. I posted way more than I did in 2015, 61 post as of today! I said I love you even when it was associated with Good Bye, and I attempted to go get the man I love but that shit ain’t work out lol. 
So I did a good job at my resolutions!
Updates and Embracing the uncertainty:
After I came back home from my secret getaway at the end of July, that shit had me in my feelings. My world was extremely chaotic, and I felt heavy. In my Last Hourspost, I started the post with the thoughts that I was possibly suffering from Depression, well that is not a lie. I got brave contacted my insurance, googled a therapist, and started psychotherapy in September. I told my therapist almost everything in the hour that I met with her every other Saturday. From my issues with my family, financial stressors, home life, my unstable relationship with this man, my worries about my future, my internal battle with my education, and more. I went and got help. It was one of the biggest and best things I had done this year. I feel light! I am not on medication and I am not diagnosed with a severe form of Depression either, but talking to a professional helped me through these last months with all the changes.
Shortly after starting therapy, I received my new job offer. I cried at my desk like a baby when I got the news. I drafted so many post to discuss the feeling that came over me but words can’t explain. The competition is real and I won. My lucky blue suit, the long talks with myself in my mirror, and prayer got me that JOB. I needed it! This changes everything that I had fears about in the last two years, because around #YEAR25 shit got serious. Money isn’t an object, relationships are REAL, careers are crucial, credit is necessary, and babies aren’t cheap. Still working on things though.
Lastly, I literally moved three times since October. Left my cousins apartment that I rented a room in because I am no chump and I will not allow anyone to punk me either. I rented my first apartment in November and moved in right before Thanksgiving outside of the city. However, I am currently in my brand new apartment back in the Bronx that I officially moved into on 12/26! RIGHT IN TIME FOR THE NEW YEAR. I got my security deposit back for my first apartment, I know all this looks CRAY.
This year was rough. I do not know how I survived it but I keep saying that the way my resilience is SET UP; I can make it through almost anything. I am blessed and highly favored. Prayer is powerful because there is power in your words. Through the ups, downs, tears, heartbreak, there’s a lot to embrace in the uncertainty. Like Zora said, there are years that ask questions, and years that answer.
Happy New Year to my blog family and friends, thank you for the affirmations and support, you all have helped me through this year, I am grateful!

2017, what you got? We’re ready.