Me – Page 14

Tough

9:10 pm and I’m already in bed.

Once again, I choose not to have dinner.

I thought that I would be all teary eyed today.

Not really ready to go into detail but to share a little, I had to make a decision to walk out the life of someone whom I love. I did it on Thanksgiving, which I wish I didn’t because now I’ll always remember that.

It’s been a week. Some days things are smooth, other days I am falling apart, and some nights I sleep like a baby. I am trying to hold it together which has not been easy to do.

This situation is teaching me about the things I should accept for myself. I believe that whatever is happening right now is God’s plan.

I chose to make a selfish decision but the other person had made their decision with selfish intent as well. But we are allowed to choose ourselves when it’s not fitting. I am a fairly understanding individual.

There will be more post, I am sure of this. Some might come at 4:00 am, when I can’t help but to unravel my layers.

It’s been a tough week but I made it.

GYM time

When your best friend is planning her wedding and gives you advance notice that you need to go into the gym, BUT, you get Starbucks instead.

Over the course of this year, I have been doing absolutely nothing to lose weight. I have maybe lost a good 15 lbs over the past year.

I am currently paying Blink Fitness for absolutely nothing, and I can not get out of this alleged contract without paying them out. Well now that I know my friend is planning her wedding I can use the extra cardio and put my money to use.

I am pretty active otherwise. I walk every morning almost a mile, so that does count as exercise I guess. I have been kinda ~~starving~~ myself but not on purpose. Is it just me or has anyone come home from work and despise the sight of the stove? Well there it goes! I just want to make a good cup of tea and complete some work.

Currently I need a distraction. That will be for another post, but now that the weather is getting colder, I can run like I use to. My semester is coming to a close and I’ll have a few weeks off so I need to get back in the motion of exercise so I can add it to my schedule.

Any suggestions on toning? I think that I what I am ready for.

He has feelings too

(He’s the Gray)

I thought that I was trying to overcome an emotional battle with love mentally until an old friend called me over the weekend.

Skipping through memory lane, this old friend, I crushed on. Loved him up actually. I was 10 when I met him. I thought he was a dork. He was a nerd. He wore big glasses and liked weird stuff. He wasn’t the average boy from the neighborhood. Now that I think about it, I guess because he was doing everything to impress me.

Wasn’t the best looking, but I was so excited when he asked me to be his girlfriend. You could see the blush through my highly melanin skin!

During our puppy love, he was being a fast little boy. Talking to everything walking. Thought he almost broke my little heart. But I never experience anything greatly negative with him. I was 13 years old, what the hell did I know? He was my first boyfriend. My first kiss. My first good bye.

He was literally the boy next door and at around 15 years old he moved. Needless to say, we kept in contact from time to time.

After a few years into college, he’s telling me that he has a daughter on the way. I remember that day like it was yesterday. Where did the time go? I once use to feel something for this boy. But I quickly accepted that he became a man. I was still happy for him.

Fast Forward to 2015, a random hello turned into “I’m not sure what to do”.

I don’t know what it is, but my “ex’s” always gravitate to me after time. Coming to me for all kinds of advice. But because I know the God I serve, I still answer my phone. I listen and answer when I am asked with honest intentions.

However, he was sad. Lost in a storm. It was evident. He couldn’t hide it. When I put him on hold as I spoke with clients over the weekend, If it were 5 minutes he waited. He was asking for answers. But I knew I didn’t have them. I wanted to be the one to listen. Not to solve it. I can barely solve the unknown in my current love life. How could I answer for him? But he was reaching.

So I used my pain to make him laugh. Lord knows I’m in pain right now. I supported his decisions. Told him if he needed to separate from his current relationship to grow that I support him. If he needed someone to talk to don’t hesitate to call me. I praise him for being honest with his heart. Most men are taught to be tough about love. Love isn’t something to be tough with. Love is Love. Its as simple and complicated as that. No one asks for a broken heart. No one asks for rejection. No one asks to be left alone. No one asks for the situations they have experienced with love.

To him; Its the first day, and tomorrow won’t be easy, neither will Wednesday, but after time the days become easier. Will you reach for her? Yes. Just make sure your not playing through the moment because, she has emotions too.