End of an Era : Non- Profit

Most people leave work at exactly 5:00 pm or scheduled time on their last day of work but today I choose to stay a few more hours. Just in case there were anymore goodbye’s and I’ll miss you’s.
I cleaned my desk, left my keys, and left at approximately 7:45 pm. Now that I am taking mass transit, the weather feels different when you’re not driving. In route to train, I became emotional.  
In that moment I felt fear, happiness, sadness, and relief.
Fear of the new position that I will be starting in January because it’s just different.
Happiness because I am on the path that I’ve worked extremely hard to get to. 
Sad because I made connections with the families and I had also changed lives. I will be changes lives again by leaving and a huge part of me wishes I didn’t have to, but I do.
Relief from all the stressors involving the uncertainty of the company. I’m free.
I’m currently in my apartment dreading that I’ll have to pack and move again on Monday because GOD just placed a new housing opportunity in my hands that I needed! Y’all don’t even know the joy that is in my heart. Back to the city I go!

Cheers to the tears.
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Good ol’ September


Can I share my day with you all?
I’ve been able to wake up at 5:00 am or 6:00 am without an alarm clock for the last few months until this morning. Little did I realize that it was raining. Rain makes sleep amazing. I wanted to get to work at 7:00 am but let’s just say I made it at 8:00 am.
Made a cup of tea; Lipton black tea with two sugars and just a little bit of milk. Packed my lunch, brushed my teeth, washed my face, and jumped in the shower.
Used lotion instead of coconut oil on my skin, because I was rushing, made the bed (because my mother lives in my head), put on my dress and thought damn, I can’t wait to have a partner to help me zip this damn dress up lol. I’m unsure why it was unusually difficult to zip my dress this morning, I have not gained a pound, actually lost a few.
Stepped in the office, no music, no podcast, and silence for a good two hours while actually doing work early because it’s a new month.
My energy is pleasant. I’m good.
Left for interview number one around 11:00 am, that turned into two interviews, and because I felt extremely positive about it, I took the scenic route to the 2nd interview.


And what would you know, the 2nd interview turned into two interviews as well.
See what happens when you pray, LOOK AT GOD!
Things I plan on doing this month;
Cook |
I’m going to be more domestic and cook. Lol I’ve saved so much money by making a casserole on Sunday that I’ve had for lunch everyday. So, I’m going to figure out what to make for next week. I have a bag of coleslaw but I don’t want to make coleslaw so I need to use it, any ideas?
Travel |
I need to use my vacation time so I might end up somewhere this month. I’ll surprise myself before my semester starts. Probably jump on a bus, but flights are cheap after labor day so maybe the south.
Read |
I think I said I would read 10 books at the beginning of this year. Hmmm I’ve only read 3 and a half. Yes, Half. Hopefully I can incorporate more reading at night, but I’m full time this semester, we’ll see.
Run |
I ran once for the month of August. It was a poor run because my breast was tender, and the bigger the chest, the more it moves. Very uncomfortable. I think I’m going to schedule my runs so I can’t make excuses. The seasonal change will have my body going crazy so I need to maintain my health.

Any September plans?

Authenticity


There are days when I felt as if I was suffering with imposter syndrome. I mean my job makes me feel like this everyday. It’s as if to ask my clients “when will you all realize I’m hurting just like you?” But I’ve learned that I have to be the example they never had. So I put on my Sunday best, walk in with my head held high, listen and respond when asked to. For the sake of the children that need a better example, I’ll be an imposter.
August always has a way of reminding me of who the hell I really am. It’s my true authenticity. It’s who I am, and I won’t change it. Now to accept and acknowledge it. Beside the fact that my nails aren’t done and if it weren’t for these two interviews tomorrow, my hair wouldn’t be done, its obvious that I’ve been going through something. August has definitely reminded me of a few things, that I fail to accept about myself.
Vulnerability |
I would have never admitted that I cry in the shower when I am frustrated and overwhelmed just two years ago. I felt that it was weak of me since I’ve always been known to be strong. Well now that I let the cat out the bag, I’m sensitive about my shit. I cried in front of a man, beside my father, for the first time last year, and did it again this year, TWICE. Why? Because I couldn’t pretend anymore. When I’m sad, when my feelings are hurt, when I need a hug, when I need an escape, I cry. It’s apart of the transitional phase. I’m accepting it. In mutual conversation with friends, I’ll say “girl I cried myself to sleep”, while waiting for them to become frantic but they aren’t use this vulnerableness. I may not have a “person” to vent to, because energy does not need to be passed on, I’ll cry it out, internalize it, and say talk about it later. I’m proud of my vulnerability because it was once so hard to do.
Resilience |
When I’m stressed, my neck hurts or my body breaks out. Well last night, my neck was on fire and my body started to break out. The last time I experienced this type of breakout was maybe in 2013, it’s been awhile. But as I get older, the challenges are much different. I’m on at least two interviews per week since my company closed. Saving is a huge priority, so happy hour is not an option lately, lord knows I need a drink. I’ve been in some trying times over the last couple of years that allows me to think and move different. But during this time, my resilience is notable. Once I’ve reflected on some pass situation, I come to notice that I really get through it. So this too shall pass.
Timing |
This year has taught me all about timing. However, I’m struggling with coming to terms with timing. Timing is everything. Lately, I’ve been wishing that something’s would happening later instead of now. Change is hard to accept. However, current changes are necessary to time. It’s all apart of the process I guess.

Through it all, I must be honest, August of 2016 has been good to me, not as bad as I assumed it would be. Two more interviews tomorrow, what a way to start September! Wish me luck.