Manhattan Bound Express 5

As I had shared, I live right above the train line. So I can’t completely lie about my lateness because mass transit is convenient for me.

This morning I glimpse the express train passing and immediately thought about the child I noticed looking out the cart window. I wondered randomly, what was I thinking about when that was me? Funny enough, as I waited for the local train to arrive, an express train on the middle track passes when a little girl with flex rods covered with a hair net eyes met with mine. As the express train slowed for a temporary stop, she stretched her head in my direction as if she needed to see me, at this point we were far but close enough for me to motion my head at her and give her a smile.

I have a soft spot for children even though it doesn’t always seem so. I learned to appreciate childhood more due to the year I spent being a counselor in a playroom in a homeless intake center. There’s something to learn from children.

Sometimes my internal troubles from childhood show there ass in my adulthood, and Yes, I need therapy or I need to continue therapy, I’m aware, but I question my life path at times and wonder what can I do differently to heal those old wounds (this is when therapy is necessary), but it’s an important thought because how can I ensure that I will heal myself enough to limit the trauma, protect, and parent my own children. But I guess the first step is being aware.

I shared that I had a rant in my last post and this fits perfectly. A few days ago I watched a little girl trying to get her mother’s attention. The mother was cuddled up with her (assuming) boyfriend. Both of them ignored the little girl. She was talking to her mom, getting up to reach for the hand pole in the middle of the cart, but the mother ignored her. She started to tear up a little. But the moment the little girl placed her hand on top of her mothers hand and the mother pulled her hand away, it took every part of me to say nothing. My body was saying how I felt, but I went home that night a prayed for that child. Children teach you something.

What I’ve learned from children in this moment in my life is that they are delicate, words are powerful, they desire perfection, they are dreamers, they need affection, most importantly they need love. No adult should feel like they’re hard to love because they lacked love in their childhood.

I hope that the little lady on the train this morning who made my entire day is safe. I hope that her world is okay. I hope she continues to dream. I hope she’s loved and knows she’s loved. I hope we meet again.

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2 thoughts on “Manhattan Bound Express 5”

  1. I really felt like I was reading a short story from a collection of stories in a book called Manhattan Bound Express Five. So beautifully written, Amanda!

    I always find it so difficult to witness things like you’ve mentioned. And when I do, I feel like I have to reassess my life to make sure that I’m not doing the same to my children — that I’m speaking to them in a gentle voice simply because how I speak to them becomes their inner voice. It is so important that we are always mindful of how we speak and how we act towards our children.

    Like

    1. I’ve come across these scenarios to often, it’s a fear I have about future parenting. As I’ve read along your journey through life your parenting style is one I wish to one day have. You’re doing a good job.

      Like

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