Currently



11:33 AM, sitting at my desk at work, reading blogs due to my printer having a network issue, there’s not much I am able to do today.


I am super hungry but my stomach has been bothering me for a few days now so I am afraid to eat food. They only have greasy Chinese food to offer where I am located and I rather not.

Listening to nothing. I decided that I needed some quiet time. Usually I’d be playing an informative podcast but I need silence. I am living through my thoughts right now and it’s a needed.

Excited about my upcoming trip to Washington, DC. Although I said that I can’t make any trips happen for the rest of the year, this is a local trip I guess, so the expense won’t kill me at all.

I recently looked over my expenses and praise myself for the saving I’ve been doing. I have a plan in mind for my finances, but with life’s everyday ups and downs, it does alter. However, I think I might be on schedule for the moment.

I’m not as amused as I’d like to be about an upcoming interview but I have learned to no longer turn down interviews. It’s needed for growth. It helps me practice my charisma.

Last but not least, I am working on a few posts for the month of May. April’s festivities didn’t allow me to do much on the blog. However, I’ll have more time in May. I’m doing one summer class and will be enjoying my summer as planned. Exploration NYC is in full effect!

What’s currently happening with you?
Advertisements

To the 16-year-old girl sitting across from my desk

High school is tough. A lot of impressing people who you won’t remember in 10 years. You try so hard to impress the third guy that made you feel “beautiful”. The attention is definitely an experience. But there’s more to the attention, you need your education.
I told her today, if I had the opportunity, I would change a lot. I remember failing my entire sophomore year of high school because of peer pressure. But I quickly cleaned that up. Maybe it was the threat my mother gave at parent and teachers conference, or maybe that heartbreak that made me want to stay away from everyone.
But there were still many decisions that I made years later because of that one year. As I told her my age, which I never really do, I told her to confide in me. Hear me out, I have a story to tell. I spoke about my poor choices that lead me to miss out on applying for the proper schools during Junior year. The pride I had instead of asking for help when it came to math, I regret that now. The “boy”, I invested in at 18, who didn’t invest in me. Took me 6 years, a lot of anger, a stiff neck every winter, and whole lot of forgiving him and myself. Yet, all the many choices that I made weren’t revolved around improving me.
I told her the road she’s on is a dangerous one. She recently had to experience an abortion, which didn’t seem like it was enough to scare her. But fear wasn’t what I wanted to place in her heart. I wanted her to see how important she is. That regardless of how things are currently, the world needs you. You add to the world, and someone see’s that, now its time for her to agree.
I told her she has her life ahead of her and if she thinks high school is tough, imagine what college must be like. Your teens aren’t as bad as your 20s. If she thinks she’s feeling pressure now, call me when your 27.
A few hours later in conversation with a friend I said, “I wonder what many blessings I’ll be receiving because God placed me in this position “. Some days I truly believe he places me in situations to change perspectives. Although it sometimes feels like a burden, I’m happy that I can add to someone’s life.
To the 16-year-old girl sitting across from my desk, I am not in the greatest of places. I am not doing bad but I could be doing better. I strive for better. You will be great in what ever you apply yourself to. This is not easy, and the circumstance makes it feel impossible. But even the impossible is possible. Sometimes we need guidance, so I will guide you for a little while. It’s the least I can do being that I was once you, lost at the age of 16. Don’t worry, I am a public school kid too.

May

Today was really gloomy. The rain didn’t help with my mood. I needed a big hug because lord knows I’ve been hurting something serious. We all have things deep down that aren’t settling with us. This one has been a year too damn long. I took the plunge last night and asked someone who I really want to hold on to forever, to let me go. The thing about vulnerability is when the damage is done, the recovery is greater. For me, the hardest part is teaching yourself how to love yourself again while waiting for normalcy.
My emotional intelligence is to blame. I feel. So I can feel the situation as it is happening. I watched this person emotionally try for one whole year, and still could not completely figure it out. Even the last time we were together, it was all there.
So all I have left to say, short simple, and sweet;
One day, it will all be normal again. The pit in your stomach won’t exist, and if it ever does again, I hope because you’re in love, happy, and creating the life you want for yourself.
During my very sleepless night and the silence that lingered until I fell asleep at 6:00 am, I finally understood the saying, “I want you to be happy, even if it’s not with me”.

What a way to start May.