Category: Love

Tough

9:10 pm and I’m already in bed. 
Once again, I choose not to have dinner.
I thought that I would be all teary eyed today.
Not really ready to go into detail but to share a little, I had to make a decision to walk out the life of someone whom I love. I did it on Thanksgiving, which I wish I didn’t because now I’ll always remember that.
It’s been a week. Some days things are smooth, other days I am falling apart, and some nights I sleep like a baby. I am trying to hold it together which has not been easy to do.
This situation is teaching me about the things I should accept for myself. I believe that whatever is happening right now is God’s plan.
I chose to make a selfish decision but the other person had made their decision with selfish intent as well. But we are allowed to choose ourselves when it’s not fitting. I am a fairly understanding individual.
There will be more post, I am sure of this. Some might come at 4:00 am, when I can’t help but to unravel my layers.

It’s been a tough week but I made it.

I chose…

“And even after all the pain my heart has endure from you these last few months, today I chose love so I can be strong for you. This too shall pass. It won’t be easy, everyday will be trying. Somedays you’ll wake up and cry. You won’t have to beg me, even in spirit I’m here for you.”

A post that will eventually turn into tears.


Just a few weeks ago, I felt as if he’d taken my heart and threw it across the world without fear. I’ve been in pain since. I wake up some mornings trying to find peace of mind. Seeking an understanding that I just won’t ever get. Because deep down, explaining his intentions would be nice but it will continue to hurt me. I love him. But that’s not all I feel. I’m disappointed, I’m confused, I’m lost, I’m alone, and I’m hurt.


Last night in my dreams, I was reminded of all the emotions I’ve been going through for sometime now. I screamed things that I couldn’t verbally say to him or I just wouldn’t say to him. Tears awoke me this morning, followed by the words I need to let him go.


But today he reached out to me. Letting me know that the hero he’s always praised has passed away. His father, his best friend. I cried for him. Although I never met him, the love in his voice when he’d speak highly of him, was one of the reasons I fell in love with him.


I can’t be mean, although there is reason to be. Today I chose love, forgiveness, prayer, and strength. I will step outside of what I feel, and be there. If not in person, in spirit. 
From your friend.