This is about 2017

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I started this post in another post riding the train about a week ago. But the other post didn’t feel right. Not that it was forced, but more about it not really delivering what I wanted to say. I think that December put me in an awkward space beginning with my brother’s wedding. You know that you’re getting older when your immediate family starts getting married and stuff. I finally experienced what most people hate; the “Are you next?” question. My parents and friends think that I’m secretive about my dating life but it’s more about the lack of dating and the confusion I choose to experience with my ex. So, I am not bringing him home or anyone else until I am sure or convinced enough that somebody actually wants my ass. After the wedding, I became lazy at work, which means, it’s time to go. I don’t hate my job, I just wish I were in a more fulfilling position. Next, school was physically bussing my ass and still is. Lastly, over the last few years my parents and I have not been in the best space and this causes me anxiety. The holidays make me sad because I am not happy with them, their poor decisions, and I am sacred as life keeps ticking because I feel the pressure of providing for them and I don’t have a family yet. Y’all, I am stressed out right now. 

However, I want to talk about 2017. Yesterday, I took myself out for a cider and onions rings in Harlem because I felt down. Over the last three days, I’ve been experiencing conflict with my ex and my family. I take things hard and I am also learning how to handle my internal emotions while dealing with conflict but this also adds too my holiday anxiety. I am a work in progress. I sat at the bar and listened to a podcast that asked that I take the time to ask the following questions; so here it is:

 What’s the biggest life lesson you’ve learned this year?

 The biggest life lesion I learned this year is that I can do anything as long as I believe it to be possible. I think most of last year I spoke about my insecurity with school. Not knowing when I’ll graduate because of all the financial hardships and the no money I was making that couldn’t help me make a difference. But BABYYYYYY, the one and only GOD lined me up something amazing at the beginning of this year. He provided me with a job with a salary increase, gave me an apartment with affordable rent, the means to pay off a debt that haunted me for 5 years, and the strength to survive the struggle and motions through it all.

What’s the biggest lesson you’ve learned about yourself?

My biggest lesson that I learned about myself this year is that it is okay to be alone. I’ve read and heard so much pessimistic beliefs about being alone that I would avoid telling anyone that I would be alone for an occasion or if I was going to have dinner by myself. I realized that I actually enjoy my own company and recharge from being alone. I accepted that I am a lover of art, water, candles, “nature”, FLOWERS/plants, poetry, and intimate settings. I am sensitive, I love-love, I am emotional, and I adore helping people.

What’s something you accomplished this year that you’re super proud of?

 Paying that damn debt that haunted me for 5 years is an accomplishment that I am super proud of. Having the discipline to save while Zara had so much amazing stuff this year was a struggle. I paid a 5-figure debt in cash!!!!

What’s something you didn’t accomplish this year that you want to accomplish in the new year?

 I have two things I look forward to accomplishing in the new year; my degree and challenging myself to limit my swearing. For so long not having my degree defined me. Through all my career accomplishments I felt as if my degree was still a major factor. I experienced judgement from colleagues and people in my life regarding not obtaining my degree. It bothered me something terrible. I put my mind to it and I am 6 months shy of completing this once daunting task. So about swearing. I currently work with children and for so long I was administrative with adults and in environments that allowed me to freely express my disdain through profanity. However, I realized how much I despised hearing when people would swear at children or around children. Being aware of this, I decided that I would force myself to stop swearing because it can be an unnecessary use of expression.

What did you do that made it a stronger year than last year?

I learned to be a little bit more patient with myself and practiced self-awareness this year that made it a stronger year than last year. In some instances, I stepped outside of myself and asked for feedback when I couldn’t answer things for myself. I wish to continue this in the year and add more methods to build a stronger me.

Was 2017 a good year to you?

Hell yeah! 2017 loved me up GOOD. Compared to prior years, it’s been a really good year.

To my friends that I have met through this space, take the time to answer these questions. If you create a post, I’ll be reading, or leave a comment. Can’t wait to read about your 2017. Happy Holiday, Peace and blessing, see you in 2018.

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2 thoughts on “This is about 2017”

  1. I feel you when it comes to school and work. 2017 was trying. It was by far my most challenging year so far.

    Let’s go back to this “Are you next?” conversation, though. Marriage isn’t all that. It’s hard work. Even harder when you have to juggle a full time job, children, and school! Take your time. Accomplish some goals. Live and continue to find yourself, then everything else will fall into place.
    I wish you the best in 2018.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hey Terin,

      I hope that 2018 is a better year for you.

      I’m not even too focused on relationships or marriage because there’s no rush for either or. I have somethings that I need to accomplish for myself.

      Thanks for the insight! Let’s win in 2018!

      Like

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