I don’t remember the name of the hotel in DC but back in June of 2019, I was having breakfast (some bad oatmeal) on the patio, listening to a podcast. She talked about her desire to move to the city she’s in now after moving back in with her parent’s post-divorce. What I remember distinctly about the podcast was that her father was telling her that she better be ready for it when it comes, because it will all come at once. So, BOOM! Here I am, at 10:05 PM, dying to sleep but my mind in running, rolling, jumping, jogging, and swimming through thoughts of everything that is happening now, all at ONCE.
I’ve been trying to write something here in my special place on the internet but been drawing a blank, Nah I just could not figure out how to put in words what the hell has been happening. I’ve made almost 5 life-altering decisions in the last 6 months:
- Quit Grad School
- Decide to find a new job
- Move to a new city
- Get into a relationship
- Took full head dive into my finances – may I one day get to the place when I stop drowning.
It just didn’t feel right. Did I regret the decision, yes and no? Yes, I could’ve stayed in school and transferred, and no because I plan on going to school. I had set forth a plan years ago that would land me closer to becoming more hands-on with policy review and writing, with a similar route, so I decided to go to school in another city.
New Job/New City….
I’ve been interviewing a few times a month since September. I just knew I didn’t want to do another full year in my 30s in “New York OVERPRICED City” (wait until I tell you where I’m going – I’ve given away more than enough hints on IG). It’s just time. I ready to take the LEAP, RISK, DIVE into making sure this happens in 2020.
I’ve written things about this relationship in this special place on the internet for years now. No keywords, no names, just whatever the hell I was feeling- when I was feeling it – when I was figuring out what the hell we were doing. We decided it’s time to do LIFE together. Cause what we were doing, was not making sense anymore. You got me and I got you babyyyyyyyy. I’m sure I’ll write a “dedicated to the one I love” blog post before the year ends because timing is EVERYTHING. I LOVE that man y’all. Cues: “He’s a good man Savannah!”
Could I avoid this topic? So, my partner tells me that I express myself in writing more than expressing emotionally or verbally. I feel some type of way/unlearning, but he’s right. I jumped out of my sleep to write this so obviously, I needed to find a way to get this off without talking about it. I don’t want to speak to him tonight about it or my friends for that matter, but money talk makes me sad, angry, shut down, disoriented, deflated, agitated, [insert whatever else sounds bad here]. I have some debt that I decided it’s time to finally deal with. Called up LAWYERS (This is not a game), discussed with my partner about the numbers, and in my head been crunching a timeline to get out of this mess. I have lots of money related trauma that has affected my views on marriage, family, homeownership, children, welp; LIFE. But I’m working on it.
However, I prayed for somethings and so it happens to come all at once and because of this I’m excited, anxious, moody, slightly in shut down, and I’m trying to release the frustrations before thoughts/things/happens eats me alive. Shout out to my partner – I don’t deserve him, he puts up with a lot, he’s strong when I am weak, leads, he’s the game-changer, and I just HOPE I’m giving back the same as I receive. But that’s a simple recap and what’s to come in the new year. Follow me on IG to catch me in my new city next week.
Happy New Year.