Almost every morning of the last two years, I rise up to the crooked Erykah Babu image above my TV; that was once in a white frame. If it weren’t for the frame falling off the wall and breaking apart it would still be white. Since then, I’ve changed my couch cover a few times, my bed sheets have gone from white to black and many other colors in between. I had a Swifer obsession in the first year, and now I’m obsessed with plugins. I’ve gone from coming home at 12:25 AM to 6:30 PM (on an early day) from work. Two different roles, two different levels of stress. Tears from heartbreak and a few smiles from hope. Writing papers in the early hours to finally having no papers to write. Conversations at night ending with I love you to do not disturb at 10:00 PM these days. I now have a few appliances that I’ve used once, and since added different pots including my wok. I’ve cut cake twice for my birthday and recently hosted my first Christmas Breakfast.
Complete culture shock coming from my one bedroom basement apartment in a huge house, on a tree lined block, with lots of available parking, and grass up “North”. Most mornings I walk outside to honking horns, trashy side walks, garbage piled high, the smell of dog urine, and the train warning me I’m about to miss it as it rolls above my head. In the last four years I’ve moved and lived in more places than I’m willing to say. During that time I learned how to pack a box, the real different between want or need, and budgeting.
I had deep conversations with friends about my feelings, met someone who’s page in my story was to teach me how to pray out loud, had moments of intimacy (because I’m grown), sat alone in my favorite chair when I couldn’t bear the day, and in the middle of the night when dreams awake me, the tears roll, my chest hurts from heavy breathing, and I feel the emotions of missing those that I can only have in dreams; I’m allowed to unravel in my little studio apartment that I get to call home in New York City in Cardi’s section of the Bronx.
My first night was two years ago, today. A lot has happened. Look at time.