Yesterday, I received a text from my cousin reminding me to journal because of the eclipse. Over the last few days I’ve been trying to find something to put on paper. My emotions are on high, my heart is extremely soft, my vulnerability is evident, and I’m honestly overthinking shit.
I sometimes just want things to move smoothly but not perfect. I try to think this way with almost everything but with September approaching and being a very crucial month, I’m on eggshells. I just want it to be smooth. However, for things to move as smoothly as possible I need to work out some intentions and goals for the last few months of the year. It’s imperative for me to see all these intentions and goals through to my next steps.
|Asking for HELP (Seeing a therapist again) |
I’m not as transparent as I’d like to be and it’s affecting me. It is my biggest problem as it correlates to communication and accountability. It’s my way of dealing with unwanted rejection, hurt, or just avoiding shit. I need help again. I did see a therapist last year, and had not been back since the career move; A.K.A new health insurance. I’m not financially comfortable enough to pay her out of pocket or I would. My last year of school has my anxiety high, work isn’t the happiest but I’m working, I’m going through this so called “break-up” that seems to hurt more than I think it should but I love the dude so I guess this is “normal”; and I’m in need of a vacation but I can’t seem to spare the time with all that is approaching.
I want to schedule my meals. Completely change my diet and be serious about it. Slowly I’ve been doing so but I LOVE a sweet potato pie from my local hood chicken spot, as my father calls it (GC: Ghetto Chicken). I will regret it all in December when I’m sad about the way my gown fits for the wedding. THIS IS A MAJOR GOAL.
I intend on finding a mentally healthy morning routine that brings me much more joy. Once I got in the groove of my work schedule adjustment of 4:00 PM to 12:00 AM, my summer morning routine looked something like:
8:00 AM: Wake up
8:15 AM: Restroom
8:20 AM: Back in bed with cellphone
8:21 to 9:50 AM: Instagram lurking
9:51 AM: Turn on kettle, make breakfast
10:10 to 11:45 AM: Have Breakfast while watching YouTube
11:46 to 12:20 PM: Contemplate a nap while watching YouTube
12:30 to 2:30 PM: NAP
2:30 to 3:30 PM: Shower, prep lunch, get dressed, re-organize my house, run out the door for the train to get to work for 4:00 PM (I live that close to work).
Now that school, conferences, trainings, and the wedding is approaching, I need to find something that I can add to my morning routine that will help with my new stressors.
Shout out to my favorite ex-boyfriend (they can’t all be bad, right?), who will always be the voice in the back of my head when it comes to finances and to how uncomfortable of a conversation it used to be. Jesus that man will always be the game changer. I said I wanted to pay off a huge debt this year and I DID! Won’t he do!!! Now, to focus on some others. I want to create a two-year financial plan. This will be done with lots of research and less leisure spending but it’s possible.
Did the Eclipse set off any new changes? Any intentions and goals you want to set for yourself?