It’s been two months and some days since I left home due to issues between my mother and I. Some things I understand, other misunderstandings are better left where they are, resolved through silence. I believe that I have grown in so many ways that it scares me that I have the bravery that I once didn’t. Just a few years ago I would’ve told my mother she was crazy, let her talk to me crazy, and went back into the bed like nothing happened. Instead, I packed my things, said nothing, moved all my things into storage, and really had no where to go.
The first night I stayed in Brooklyn with my boyfriend. The last place I wanted to be, due to my overly independent ways, but the only person I knew I was safe with. I said a little about what happened, he gave me his shirt, boxers, and his arms to sleep in that night. Deep down, I wanted to scream, cry, question God, and still find some understanding. I just didn’t know what was happening, why it was happening, and if it should be happening.
The next morning, I got dressed, kissed my mister, and went to work. Not sure of where I would be sleeping that night but I could only think of one other person beside my boyfriend through this chaos. My favorite cousin. Seen him on the street where I knew I’d find him, asked him if he knew of anyone renting. He said “bring your things, here is soap, food, and a place to sleep. You’ll be alright with me.” Since that day, I’ve been alright.
My emotions were on high! It caused friction in my relationship, complete misunderstandings, I almost made a few temporary emotional decisions, but in it all, there was still the truth. Being critiqued at that moment wasn’t easy. You can’t view your own exterior. So hearing about how I displayed my emotions and how I reacted to my stress wasn’t fair to the people around me. I had to learn to control what I can’t, take accountability, and pray.
“NEVER question GOD”
Towards the end of March, mister and I went to California. Although that caused a lot of friction, it helped me grow. I learned to take risk, be more open with my thoughts, don’t take things personally at work, and what negativity is in your universe to LET IT GO.
God heard my prayers, I just accepted a new position, I’ve found a place to live comfortably, and I’ve made it to year 26.
Sometimes, our darkest moments shows us the brightest light. New starts call for new opportunity. I’ve been given a clean slate again. I’m focused on my career goals, and finishing school. That conquest will not be an easy one but I’m not afraid of a challenge.
With Prayer, 2015 will be good to me.