One Brick at a Time…

I’m always into meeting new people,  which is something that I believe that everyone should believe in too. “No new friends” ? Yeah I don’t believe in that shit not at all. Why don’t I believe in it? Because your old friends can bring you down. They sometimes don’t help you grow as an individual. Yeah so what’s the point of staying to your old friends?

Well today, I met a new friend.  As we sent text back and forth, I decided to play the honesty game. Which I just learned from a previous conversation. Well pretty much, you ask the person to honestly answer any questions asked for 30 minutes  and Vice Versa. This doesn’t mean they’ll be honest but it gets questions that you want to ask out the way. One of his questions were,

“What are your flaws?”

At first, I was looking at my phone saying to myself, really this is broad of a question to ask someone. Why? Because as humans we don’t know how to identify with our own flaws, that’s why the secondary word for flaws would be insecurities. I mean if a jealous women can just openly say she can be jealous then I’m sure plenty of men would dodge her for that reason alone. Jealously is what some men like to constitute as DRAMA. Where am I getting this from? The dating profiles I’ve seen, LOL . I avoid anyone that displays that they don’t want any “drama” in their about me  sections instead of a brief description of themselves. If she’s jealous you must be doing something to have this women in that head space. However, as I responded I was thinking of what conversations I’ve been having amongst some other friends in terms of who i am and what I want to change and I responded saying,

“My biggest flaw is the wall that I’ve built around me. I’m learning everyday ways to remove a brick. I’m big on love but I just won’t let it in so easy. So I’m working on aspects of my personality to open myself up a little more.”

It’s honest. Was in deep from the heart? Nope. Why because I am human. And like some jealous women, I can’t completely identify my insecurities. That’s a brick that will have to be taken down one day.  But what really stuck out to me in this conversation was his reply.

“What haven’t you forgiven yourself for?”

Huh? Just reading it made me feel like I fell into a black hole. No one has ever asked me anything so simple yet meant more then the words displayed. I told him that I’d get back to him because that really made me think. Over and over again repeatedly in my mind, What haven’t I forgive myself for? Sometimes you just don’t realize the things you beat yourself up over constitutes as your insecurities. A jealous women wasn’t always jealous. It could’ve been as simple as wanting attention that she never received before as a child. So she displays jealously when you give that attention to a sports game then to her. She probably never forgiven her father for not being able to give her the attention she’s wanted so she can forgive herself for holding on to such a burden and gaining understanding.

This question has made me think of some of my issues in my life now. Why I’m always fighting a battle of why me? Why me what? I don’t know the next person’s life and it could be worst. I have to re-evaluate.
Today I  will write down all the things I don’t understand and seek forgiveness, one brick at a time.

What haven’t you forgiven yourself for?

Published by Amanda

She Came | She Saw | She Conqured

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