Mind over matter

I’ll keep this short and simple. 
I was suppose to start my January with resolutions but, I was overcoming other things. 
I haven’t been drinking water as I said I would.
I went to the gym once in January, on the 31st. 
I’m okay, at work for now, but I’m playing my cards right. 
I am going to be positive this month. 
I would love to run but my gluteus hurts. Maybe if the weather lighten’s up, I can run in Philly over the weekend. 
This too shall pass.


I was a no bra, cheap jeans, blouses that didn’t appeal to my body wearing, 214 pounds at the age of 23.

I was 20 when I thought I was doing the right thing by avoiding pregnancy when I took the Depo shot. I mean, I barely had money for myself and not to mention the guy in my life had no money to take me to the movies much less. It was a mess. All I thought about was the nickels I was making while attempting to get a C in my Anatomy class.

Six months later I was literally 50 pounds heavier. My stretch marks started to hurt while they developed all over my body. I was stressed. My family gave me about 4 nicknames in that period of time to remind me of much weight I gained. Every old friend that hadn’t seen me in years asked me if I had just given birth. It was real. My breast grew from a 34B to a 38DD.

It wasn’t until I realized that I could no longer keep buying these cheap jeans to wear that I went to Macy’s to buy a pair of Levi’s. I picked up a size 10 and 12. I walked into the fitted room and undressed. Even took off my sweater. I starred in the mirror in amazement. I avoided mirrors for a couple years. I really didn’t notice my weight. Or maybe I couldn’t face that I had gained so much. I tried on both sizes and neither of them fit. I walked out of Macy’s with a size 14. It took me a month to wear those jeans. But I tell you, it was the only pair of jeans that made me comfortable. So I wore them all the time! I still have them.

On a routine visit to see my favorite GYN (he was the one who delivered me at birth), as he looked down at my record weight, verbatim he said “men don’t like fat women”. I was so offended. But that day changed my life. He told me that I had a cyst on my ovary the size of a tennis ball and I was diagnosed with PCOS (poly cystic ovarian syndrome). He said ” at the rate of your weight gain, you may not be able to have children”. He prescribed me birth control and Metformin. I walked out the office, called my best friend and told her what he said. I never showed her the emotion I felt inside. I went home and cried.

I wanted to be sure that it was all a lie. That I was going to be able to have children. I watched YouTube, I googled the hell out PCOS research, I researched many diets to lose weight, and that’s when I found out about blogs. I started my first post about my PCOS and my struggles. At that time, I was 10 pounds lighter because my top weight was 225lbs.

Yesterday, I went to visit my favorite doctor after three long years. He looked up from my recorded weight and said “I’m proud of you. You were 43 pounds three years ago when I last seen you.” He continued you his check up. Looked at my ovaries with his sonogram machine, and said “All clear, you can have babies, are we trying to get pregnant?” Nah son. But I was so happy! I kept the consistency of birth control and weight loss that I have successfully treated the syndrome. I share this because before this visit I archived and seen my struggles with my weight insecurities, you can do it! It was hard but it can definitely be done.

I have 10 pounds to goal… And better get fit for wedding season (covers eyes).

GYM time

When your best friend is planning her wedding and gives you advance notice that you need to go into the gym, BUT, you get Starbucks instead.
Over the course of this year, I have been doing absolutely nothing to lose weight. I have maybe lost a good 15 lbs over the past year.
I am currently paying Blink Fitness for absolutely nothing, and I can not get out of this alleged contract without paying them out. Well now that I know my friend is planning her wedding I can use the extra cardio and put my money to use.
I am pretty active otherwise. I walk every morning almost a mile, so that does count as exercise I guess. I have been kinda starving myself but not on purpose. Is it just me or has anyone come home from work and despise the sight of the stove? Well there it goes! I just want to make a good cup of tea and complete some work.

Currently I need a distraction. That will be for another post, but now that the weather is getting colder, I can run like I use to. My semester is coming to a close and I’ll have a few weeks off so I need to get back in the motion of exercise so I can add it to my schedule. 

Any suggestions on toning? I think that I what I am ready for.