Category: Life

To the 16-year-old girl sitting across from my desk

High school is tough. A lot of impressing people who you won’t remember in 10 years. You try so hard to impress the third guy that made you feel “beautiful”. The attention is definitely an experience. But there’s more to the attention, you need your education.

Continue reading To the 16-year-old girl sitting across from my desk

May

Today was really gloomy. The rain didn’t help with my mood. I needed a big hug because lord knows I’ve been hurting something serious. We all have things deep down that aren’t settling with us. This one has been a year too damn long. I took the plunge last night and asked someone who I really want to hold on to forever, to let me go. The thing about vulnerability is when the damage is done, the recovery is greater. For me, the hardest part is teaching yourself how to love yourself again while waiting for normalcy.
My emotional intelligence is to blame. I feel. So I can feel the situation as it is happening. I watched this person emotionally try for one whole year, and still could not completely figure it out. Even the last time we were together, it was all there.
So all I have left to say, short simple, and sweet;
One day, it will all be normal again. The pit in your stomach won’t exist, and if it ever does again, I hope because you’re in love, happy, and creating the life you want for yourself.
During my very sleepless night and the silence that lingered until I fell asleep at 6:00 am, I finally understood the saying, “I want you to be happy, even if it’s not with me”.

What a way to start May.

YEAR 27: JAMAICA

For months I delayed purchasing my ticket to go to Jamaica because I had much more important things I could do with the money. But as the time got closer, my mind needed a reset. Vacation always puts me in reset mode. I was nervous about the whole thing because I had not been there in almost 8 years. The last time, I was burying family. Jamaica was like that for me between the years of 2006 to 2008. I no longer wanted to go back to the place my parents call home because it was always a funeral. The thought of Jamaica made me cringe. However, this year, I wanted to get over my fear of going back. Apart of that fear was burying my grandmother in 2007. I loved her dearly. And every time I’d arrive and leave Jamaica, we would always pass where she was laid to rest. I remember the last time I was there in 2008 and how I could not breathe as we drove closer to the cemetery. It was something I no longer wanted to experience. But I needed to visit her and say hello because I was unsure if I’d have the time again or if I had finally outgrown that fear. Lets just say, seeing her again, healed me. I had experience a lot over the year and needed this more than I thought. I wasn’t able to say good bye again but I got to say hello. It started my trip on a good note, kinda.

I went back home to my father’s parish in Jamaica. The beautiful parish of Portland. It’s natural beauty is one to see. I never seen the beauty until this visit. Above from left to right, I wrote year 27 in the sand at Frenchmen’s Cove beach, below is the Trident castle (I dare you to google this and look at the wedding packages, its a dream! Maybe mister right might agree to those prices), the Blue lagoon is 65 feet deep and he had to drag my ass out that water, and below I enjoyed the swing at Frenchmen’s cove beach that was connected to a small river. 

Here from left to right, was our tour guide as we rafted around the Blue lagoon, the day we stopped by a local beach and I needed this photo to remind me that New York beaches are filthy because in JA I could see my toes!, and I went to a resort on my birthday and enjoyed the all inclusive amenities in Ocho Rios.

The top photo, I took as we were driving to Ocho Rios, below, from left to right, I was sitting on the veranda enjoying a cup of tea at 6:00 AM as it lightly rained as it does in Portland, my two friends who came to experience this trip with me, and right before I turned 27 years old on April 11th, I went into the town at a karaoke lounge with my friends and were talking to those guys across the street. 
What I did learn on this trip was that I am patient. Things that would cause me internal strife and anxiety, didn’t really occur on this trip like I assumed. Some problems happened being that I stayed at my house, but I took it well. The trip was fun but this may be my official last girls get away. Well, there’s is the bachelorette getaway coming next year for my best friend, but I’ll be set up in a different way so I don’t have to deal with any form of drama, like on other girls trips in prior years. I’m currently working on a baeaction! Jamaica is romantic. I met a couple from Brooklyn that were staying at a treehouse by the Blue Lagoon. I was jealous, I won’t lie. So I’m working on it. I’d like to go on another romantic getaway. Its fun. After this trip, I will be returning to Jamaica. I’ll attempt at making it a once a year trip but I usually only go away once a year because I’m adulting and I have somethings to take care of for my future that I am currently putting together. 
My heart is getting what it wanted, as I addressed in my Transitional Phase post. I went for a second round interview that I was praying for. School is coming together. I’m transitioning into my career very well. All the previous jobs have aligned this year which makes me happy. And I feel good. I have some amazing people in my life. I’m excited about some of the opportunities that are coming my way. I’ve been healing from all the disappointment I was facing last year. I’m proud of where I am. I’m allowing time to happen.  
Toast to an amazing start, #year27