31 Days of Honesty

Day 10 of Honesty

Seen my Best Friend,

He was cute, shy, and nervous as I approached him in a substitute class in our 9^th grade of high school. We spoke about absolutely nothing. From that day, I knew he was always going to be a part of my life. We would meet occasionally around the school to walk around before the next class would start. Even when a friend of ours stole him from me, as I’d tell him frequently, he never stopped calling me until a day in November of 2010.

He was 21 when he was arrested. Up until today, I have regrets that maybe I could’ve changed this outcome. He reached out to me a few months before his arrest and he wanted to talk. I wasn’t the type of girl that walked the streets, so that night I couldn’t meet him. But God works in his own ways. It was prison or death.

Neither of those options is of better outcome, but he did a crime that he had to pay the time for. I was so angry with him. I wanted to beat the shit out of him when his ex-girlfriend sent me the surveillance video from the news article. Momma always told me about bad company and how they can influence you. That video proved it all.

He had a promising future that was taken from influence. Yes, we are all left up to the choices we make but we must all say that at some point or another, we were influenced. This crime doesn’t take away from the fact that he is still my best friend. I’m ashamed and embarrassed but not like how his mother feels. Lord knows.

He is doing well. He is staying out of trouble. He is completing training courses. He’ll be home soon.

Day 10 of Honesty, He is still the guy I met in 9^th grade.

Day 9 of Honesty

Greatness,

I want it all! I want to take over the world. No doubt about it! I want my name to light up the sky.

My best friend and I spoke the other day and I told her that some days I question my progress. I could never settle for the next ‘option’. I’ve always been able to seek my greater potential out of any situation.

I think as of today, I’m in a place in my life that is ready for my moment of rapid change. Every so often, whenever my comfort levels change, I do. Gone with the wind, I sway as I seek the next best position. My potential is always greater than an option. I seek growth in everything I do. When I know that something is no longer ‘Fitting’ I’m gone.

This has more to do with a career change, and I’m ready for that move.

Day 9 of Honesty, I’m too great for this shit, I’m striving for MVP.

Day 8 of Honesty

Alone,

I’ve always been a loner. My favorite thing to do is sit in my room in complete silence. Turn my phone off, no television, no computer, and be all by myself. But these days have been the ultimate anti-loner phase lately.

I actually avoid my own thoughts. They put me in a place that I find myself running from more times than some. I’m never afraid of my thoughts but I’ve realized how afraid of my emotions lately. It wasn’t that apparent until someone told me how alike we were about our emotions. He would run like no other, I’d support his running yet criticize him in the same breathe. However, when it came down to me running, I’d be upset about his criticism.

Not one person ever likes to hear the solid truth even when they know it. It’s human to have feelings and display emotions. What I keep telling myself is to stop questioning all these trials and tribulations. What is for me is for me. What’s not for me won’t be. So don’t focus on what doesn’t and do what you can.

Day 8 of Honesty, it’s okay to be alone in thought, you are human Amanda.