Author: Amanda

She Came | She Saw | She Conqured

Currently: The WeekEnd

Friday |

My weekend started with happy hour at the local Yard House. I’m addicted to the fish tacos. Met up with my cousin to see how he was doing since his brother’s passing a few months ago. He took it really hard and I try to see him every few weeks but summer hasn’t allowed that. He’s been traveling, and I’ve been working. However, I’m usually his counselor when we meet up and but didn’t expect our conversation to turn into “Amanda, I think I’m inlove, I’m going crazy, I’m not sure what to do because I have trust issues, what do you think?” If only people knew what the hell was happening in my current love life, they wouldn’t ask me shit. The clinical psychologist in me simply suggested, try to be in the relationship and accept her completely, it will not be easy, all relationships are work, but trying never hurts. BUT, if trying isn’t plausible, respect her enough to love her and leave her alone, it’s painful but it’s better that way. After our session, we were able to catch the rainbow pictured above, there’s always something beautiful in the way nature aligns with the universe. “She might be something lucky”, I said as we left the mall.
Saturday |
Watched the Olympics and laid around until the afternoon. The temperature was somewhere in the high 90s and I do not do heat well. If I had not purchased my tickets already, I would be in the same spot, but I couldn’t pass up good company. My friend Korey and I met up for dinner and see the live show for one of our favorite podcasts; The Friend Zone Podcast. 
We ate at Burger and Lobster. The menu is simple, 10-ounce burger with fries and a salad, Lobster roll fries and a salad, or whole lobster with fries and a salad; all for $20 each. We both chose Lobster Rolls. He had a little love thing going on too. So, day two of counseling. This time, he was questioning how great things were going. But simple and modest me, I suggested that he let things be, live in the moment. But once we got to the show, love was in the room, catch the episode on Wednesday, you’ll see what I mean. The last listener question pulled on my heart strings, that’s the compromising person in me.
Sunday |
Was suppose to be my cleaning day. I did get laundry done, but was interrupted by my little sister. DAY 3 of counseling. She halts my day because she recently broke up with her boyfriend and is about to go through the motions. So I sent her a long text message about loving herself. Begging her to learn from the people around her.  I vividly remember walking out of a relationship very similar to the one she was in about 4 to 5 years ago. A lot of work and effort I invested into that relationship to never have any of it reciprocated. But what I learned was that I made choices that I had to forgive myself for and learn from them. I still remind myself that I make choices in my current love life, there’s accountability in my choices.
All this energy, my damn phone will be off by next weekend, lord knows I need a love/counseling break. Although, it’s what I do professionally, I still need a break.

How was your weekend?

Would you be proud of me?

I walked into a local bakery Friday afternoon after supporting my friend at her father’s funeral. I notice something familiar that brought me back to childhood. Every time I see it, I think of you. Wasn’t hungry enough to eat it right then and there but sure that I’d have it for breakfast one of these upcoming mornings.

Here I am on this beautiful Sunday morning. Enjoying the silence in my parent’s house as I drink ginger tea and the carrot cake I purchased Friday. You use to buy it when we would walk from shop to shop on White plains road to keep me from asking you for anything else. It was the perfect distraction.
Today, I was hoping it would be the perfect distraction, but unfortunately it’s not. I’m currently in a boat of emotions and wondering what would you do? There are days when I feel like I’m failing, sometimes the people around me make me feel the same, I make choices that I sometimes regret but oddly am thankful for, I want to know if I am learning lessons or if this is God’s plan, am I on the right track and is this where I am supposed to be, am I ignoring the signs that will lead me to my next big step, but all together I keep wondering would you be proud of me?

This wasn’t written without tears, today I’m not strong enough. If only heaven had visiting hours, I’d purchase a ticket with my last. But unfortunately, I’ll enjoy this cake in your memory. I’ll continue to work hard, pray, and hope that you’ll be proud of me.