to be relaxed,

IMG_4553It’s half past 2 and I’m forcing myself to not take any sleeping pills. I’m yawning every couple of minutes because I’m tired, physically, but apparently not mentally. It didn’t occur to me that August is around the corner and it’s one of two months that’s always a transitional point for me, but I don’t think that’s what this insomnia is. One question keeps circling through my mind and simply, when’s the last time you’ve been relaxed?

It feels selfish to be this relaxed. To be this calm and yet focused on absolutely nothing all at once, while the world is burning (literally). I don’t know if I deserve to not be worried about the future or to sit in this moment during the present. It’s an odd place to be but necessary.

Let’s have a conversation, when’s the last time you’ve been relaxed?

Author: Amanda

She Came | She Saw | She Conqured

6 thoughts on “to be relaxed,”

  1. I ask myself this same question everyday. I definitely suffer from some type of insomnia. Maybe not as much as when I was younger, because I’m getting more sleep now but I know for certain that I’m not getting the sleep I should be getting every night. I hate that my mind seems to be the busiest when I’m trying to go to sleep. I actually started doing mindless things, like actually counting sheep, to keep me from thinking about everything else.

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    1. I wish my mind was busy. It’s not. My body is just restless. I jog, walk, run, bike, shit- cry, and I’m still not sleeping through the night without a sleep-aid. Hopefully this will change in a few months.

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  2. I talked to my therapist last month about not being able to sleep. It’s like my mind runs a million miles a minute, especially at night. I didn’t know how stressed I was until I took a week away from work. I spent time doing some self-care and really relaxing. I even attended a sleep therapy session. Ever since, I’ve been sleeping pretty well most nights.

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  3. Generally, I sleep well and am relaxed at night but during the day is when I tend to be hyper-anxious and less relaxed. It’s because I have too many things on my plate and can never “turn off.” I’m glad you’re feeling relaxed though; savor that feeling.

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