Growth: Alone, is not a thing anymore

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Las Colinas, TX

It’s Friday night, and the only thing that excites me about Friday’s is coming home to lay in bed and watch YouTube. Tonight, is the first Friday night I actually don’t want to be alone. I’m currently in a stint of depression and I’m accepting as such, but what I’ve learned this year – with all the shit I’ve been through – Alone, is not a thing anymore.

Back in March, some trauma happened, that I knew was going to happen, but I can’t help that I’m hopeless. Besides finishing school and the new position in my career, I had to figure out how to get out of that trauma. Since the incident, most weekends I’ve spent with my family. The irony is, they use to trigger the shit out of me just a few years back, and I had to force myself to be alone to learn how to perceive my family differently-acceptingly. But little did I know that this year, they were saving me.

I can only speak for myself honestly and say, I would change many things about my life. Which is probably why I’m obsessed with change and moving. Solange has taught us that Crane’s in the sky had a background message – you just can’t run it away. I’ve been trying to run for years and this year is answering my question about running. Why am I running? Well, it is the final quarter of the year and I haven’t completed the answer yet but it’s coming together.

Which brings me to my “big move”. I chose not to move to Texas. Why? Simply because, I don’t want to do it alone. My time with alone has come to an end. The space I’m in is ready to share my world and be accepting of help, want, and need from the people I am sharing my life with. This isn’t easy. There’s lots of learning and unlearning during this transitional period in my life but as long as I am open, I’ll be alright.

Waving the white flag, I surrender.

Cues – Emily King – No More Room

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