I’ve been trying to find the words to express what I am currently thinking and feeling but I am unsuccessful with my efforts.
Lately I have been feeling numb. Trying to find my way to normal again without interruptions. But I can’t help that I wake almost every morning at 5:00 am in hopes that I can turn and see that you have reached for me. In hopes that all of this is only a dream.
But reality sets in with distressing thoughts and images from the imagination. Mixed with confusion and ambivalence.
Wishing for that safe place to return, but it has been so long since it has not been here. Asking God, what am I supposed to be learning?
But I know better than to question God.
I am going through something I don’t know how to express. And every time I try to, I remind myself that I am not ready. And truth is I am not ready.
Healing is a process.
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