One Year Later: C A L I F O R N I A

So I never really talked about my trip to California. It wasn’t the best trip ever but it was a defining moment for me. I was in a space that I do not dare to speak of yet but as I had a conversation with someone earlier today, I realized that it had been a whole year since. How time flies. So why not re-experience the nostalgia with me. 
So that wonderful guy that I had been in my feeling with since last year (if you had read previous post, I won’t leave any links for a reminder because we still cool), invited me out to a convention that took place in California last year. I was there for “Pleasure”; he was there for “Business”. It was a once in a life time opportunity, pay for your flight, I’ll take care of everything else. SOLD! I would had preferred for the trip to be romantic instead of what it turned out to be, but none the less, I was glad to see the West Coast. 

 It was March 24, and I was in JFK for about 4 hours waiting for my flight to depart. No delays, just assumed that being there that early made sense, not doing that again. The flight was about 5 hours. I arrived at approximately 3:00 PM, you know I had to do In -n- Out Burger, sorry no footage, but I needed a cup of tea and to enjoy the 93 degree weather. The jet lag was real!

So to make it super convenient, we did some research before we arrived. We got a crazy deal for this Mercedes rental from the owner of the car. It was awesome! Not too sure if I should share how we went about this because this is not for promotional use, so send me an email, I’ll be glad to share. The LA traffic is no joke at all. So being comfortable made it worth it. 

Around the third day,  because I had absolutely no clue what I had gotten myself into, and an over due disagreement and annoyance at my relaxed behavior, I finally got dressed because I watched Mr. Get dressed. Love that tie. Toured the facility, attempted at venturing off around the convention, but due to my fear of the unknown, I took a walk instead. That will be better explained in a later post.
After a 2 hour long unwanted conversation, to get back to the beauty of it all, we took a beautiful drive out to Laguna Beach! Amazing is an understatement. Under the candle light, we had dinner at a beach side restaurant. That picture isn’t the best but I had Lobster Fettuccine with a fried egg on top. Delightful!
We started our last day in California about 10:00 AM. We decided to drive and explore. Him once living in California as a child, to see the city as an adult was a different journey. We were able to capture some street art as we waited at a red light in Downtown LA.
Unbeknownst to me, he took us to the historical La Brea Tar Pits, and took a walk to get some lunch. Those sliders were amazing. I so recommend to anyone willing to be down for the food truck adventure.
Not exactly close by but we had wheels, we decided to take a drive to Hollywood. We walked for a few blocks and seen many famous stars on the Walk of Fame. This one stands out to me because Lord knows this woman’s voice was magic!
Not too far away, we drove through Rodeo Drive. All parts of me wanted to jump out the car and run into that Louis Vuitton Store. It was so appealing. The guy in the wheel made it all too clear how America works, but that is for another day. 
We ended our day in deep conversation at the Santa Monica Pier. The water, the air, the people, the funnel cake, yes funnel cake, it was all to good to leave. But the New Yorker in me, needed to go home. I enjoyed the hotel, the good and not so good food, my friend who I am forever thankful for allowing me to see another part of the world, and the weather. It was 93 degrees during the day and 65 degrees at night. I slept with the doors open on the balcony. It was amazing. 
The things that were occurring in my life at the time, did not allow me to be completely into this experience the way I wish I could had been. I now know that I had took a lot from such a short amount of time. I learned a lot about my wants, needs, personal struggles, career struggles, and my ultimate goals. I’m a firm believer that trips are always needed to refresh the mind, body, and soul. This was well needed, and I am glad I went. Maybe next year I’ll visit again but,
Until Next Time……

Currently

Enjoying the way this coconut oil feels on my skin. I am hydrating my skin by trying natural products because I’m back to healthier habits. And my skin is dry as hell due to this weather.
Thinking about… someone, but I’m not sure if I should call. I guess I’ll leave the idea in my thoughts.
Drinking a cup of tea. I am hungry, and the box of mac and cheese that I made isn’t doing me any justice because I barely ate it anyway. Waste of food.
Researching about indoor plants. I bought this gorgeous Easter Lily and I want to put her in a pot but not just any pot, I want to make sure that she still blooms. (Picture above) I’ll stop in my the local florist in Harlem and ask tomorrow. It’s almost my birthday so you know I am excited to receive flowers! 
Just finished mapping out my week of study. I’ll be sitting in the library some afternoons because going home may cause a distraction from my cousin or the kids upstairs.
Prepping for an interview next week. I think I put this one in the universe. I bought a suit, a new padfolio, and on Thursday morning I should be printing out my resume. I was able to do some prior research and I am hoping that I get this new opportunity. It would be an advancement in my career.

Anything new?

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I’ve been trying to find the words to express what I am currently thinking and feeling but I am unsuccessful with my efforts.

Lately I have been feeling numb. Trying to find my way to normal again without interruptions. But I can’t help that I wake almost every morning at 5:00 am in hopes that I can turn and see that you have reached for me. In hopes that all of this is only a dream.


But reality sets in with distressing thoughts and images from the imagination. Mixed with confusion and ambivalence.


Wishing for that safe place to return, but it has been so long since it has not been here. Asking God, what am I supposed to be learning? 
But I know better than to question God.


I am going through something I don’t know how to express. And every time I try to, I remind myself that I am not ready. And truth is I am not ready. 
Healing is a process.