31 Days of Honesty

Day 4 of Honesty

Patience,

This may be one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to incorporate into my life. Somedays patience just doesn’t exist. My personality is so smooth and underlining that you’d think I can handle most anything.

A friend of mine said to me today, it takes but one smart ass remark for me to jump the gun. I go from 0 to 60 in under 10 seconds. Ready to drop F-bombs and Mother-f*king grenades. But I know that its not attractive. I know that I need to better myself and learn to let some shit fly.

Day 4 of Honesty, quick and simple, Amanda patience is KEY!

Day 3 Of Honesty

Day 3 of Honesty

Understanding,

It took Steve Harvey’s “Think like a Man” book, for me to find understanding in a prolonged relationship that I knew wasn’t going anywhere. Although it was a teenage love that blossomed into adulthood, we weren’t going to be kids forever. We grew apart by year number two, but stayed with one another for respectively 6 years due to “time”.

I’d pretty much known him through acquainted most of my life. Just didn’t know the little boy in the school yard would have a part of me at some point of my life. We dated my last year of high school. It was all about movies, milkshakes, long walks home, and good night kisses. But I always knew we wouldn’t last.

We were two totally different people. After all the time that has passed, I still can’t remember having anything in common with him. I won’t say, its a bad thing, but opposites attract I guess.

We had many differences that had a lot to do with our upbringing. It defined us in a way that I couldn’t understand. His family influenced most of the decisions he made, it outlined our relationship because he didn’t yet know how to make his own, so I’d be in control of us, which I despised. I saw his potential before he did. It was hard to see past all of that, forcing him to view something he, himself couldn’t understand. I didn’t have much patience during this time. It was too much to handle so I left before it became the next daunting ~~task~~ that would develop in our relationship. I needed to find understanding in our relationship, what worked for me, didn’t work for him and vise versa. He didn’t know where he stood in his own life at that time and forcing him to see something that he had to learn, I didn’t understand.

I found understanding in that, I couldn’t make him the man I seen in him, the way I thought about things weren’t always fitting to the next person, and the regardless of the passion it doesn’t exist without strive.

He had to learn how to love himself and so did I. Loving yourself is your journey to discovery. He wasn’t the man for me, and I wasn’t the woman for him. He’ll always be my cupcake. The breakup was hard, I had to let go of someone that I grew with but, that change was necessary for us to better ourselves at that time. I have no regrets, but I have learned a lot about what I wanted for myself.

Day 3 of honesty, everyday I am gaining more understanding of others.

Day 2 of Honesty

Weight Loss,

This is has been the one post that I’m proud to share!

Back in 2009, I thought it was a smart idea to go on birth control being that I wasn’t ready to be somebody’s mama. It took less than a year to gain 50 pounds! With my eye kept closed, I ignored my massive weight gain. I got off the birth control for a few months and then, my doctor recommended taking birth control pills that added another 20 pounds to me. My top weight was 220 pounds. I’m sure you’re saying, “It’s not that serious”. Coming from 145 pounds, hell yes it is!

Confidence? Nowhere to be found!

Pride? In the bottom of my closet behind my size 6 jeans!

Judgment? Every time someone asked me if I was having a baby!

Something had to give. I was miserable! I avoided shopping. If it weren’t for my boyfriend at the time I would’ve been freezing my ass off winter of 2010 because I wouldn’t buy a jacket. I just didn’t understand how to shop for my size. I went from a 36C to a 38DD in two years. I didn’t wear a decent bra for those two years! It was terrible! I just couldn’t do it anymore.

After my break up in 2012 and still a whopping 220 pounds, I needed a change. I wanted to get back to SELF! I signed up to the gym, went on occasional walks with my friends, and added healthier breakfast to my diet. That made a 10 pound difference that I gained right back because I wasn’t consistent!

2013 was the year! I made a resolution and stuck to it! I went to the gym all hours of the day, week, and month! I challenged myself to run, changed my diet completely, added foods that I thought were pure hell to taste, and prayed every time my knee went out! I bought workout clothes and shoes to help motivate myself. I was alone in this one. I wanted no one’s help, this I had to do for myself. It was a deeper way of loving me.

Going into 2014 I was down 30+ pounds. As of today, I’m down to 40+ pounds and counting. I want to be at approximately 160-170, but I’m comfortable in the skin I’m in. No lies! I got my stretch marks, some back fat that I’m working on, and now this winter it’s time to work on my stomach!

Before and After

Day 2 of Honesty, Weight loss is one hell of a thing but, I’m proud as shit!