What’s Going Well?

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I am sitting in front of my computer trying to figure out how to start this post and that is a problem. Why? Because I promised myself that nothing will be forced. So instead of over thinking I’ll make this simple.  Continue reading “What’s Going Well?”

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Currently

Time | 10:06 AM
Location | Work, hardly working, but will get a lot done today at around 3:00 PM (no judgment)
Eating | Yogurt, crackers and cheese for Breakfast, no I am not on a diet, just find this to be a convenient meal option, that is all.
Listening | Color Full Lives Podcast: #Blessed and Unbothered; This episode is about relationships. I listen to various podcast from entrepreneurship, business, finance, wellness, and entertainment. However, this episode was right on time, informative, and very fun to listen to.
Reading | New York Times opinion column
Thinking | About my recent choices, some I’m very proud of, and others I’m trying to figure out. What I must say is that I need to forgive myself for the ones that damage me. Damage is sometimes necessary.

Planning | Finances. I am trying to be in a certain position within the next couple of months because I am so serious about moving. When I came back home from my secret getaway, I was sad. I love New York but I am ready to experience something new. I’m prepping myself right now for the change. Sometimes I eat dinner alone and go to places I never been alone, so when I move across the country to a place I know no one, I can do the same and attempt to adjust. It’s a start.

What are you up to?

To the 16-year-old girl sitting across from my desk

High school is tough. A lot of impressing people who you won’t remember in 10 years. You try so hard to impress the third guy that made you feel “beautiful”. The attention is definitely an experience. But there’s more to the attention, you need your education.
I told her today, if I had the opportunity, I would change a lot. I remember failing my entire sophomore year of high school because of peer pressure. But I quickly cleaned that up. Maybe it was the threat my mother gave at parent and teachers conference, or maybe that heartbreak that made me want to stay away from everyone.
But there were still many decisions that I made years later because of that one year. As I told her my age, which I never really do, I told her to confide in me. Hear me out, I have a story to tell. I spoke about my poor choices that lead me to miss out on applying for the proper schools during Junior year. The pride I had instead of asking for help when it came to math, I regret that now. The “boy”, I invested in at 18, who didn’t invest in me. Took me 6 years, a lot of anger, a stiff neck every winter, and whole lot of forgiving him and myself. Yet, all the many choices that I made weren’t revolved around improving me.
I told her the road she’s on is a dangerous one. She recently had to experience an abortion, which didn’t seem like it was enough to scare her. But fear wasn’t what I wanted to place in her heart. I wanted her to see how important she is. That regardless of how things are currently, the world needs you. You add to the world, and someone see’s that, now its time for her to agree.
I told her she has her life ahead of her and if she thinks high school is tough, imagine what college must be like. Your teens aren’t as bad as your 20s. If she thinks she’s feeling pressure now, call me when your 27.
A few hours later in conversation with a friend I said, “I wonder what many blessings I’ll be receiving because God placed me in this position “. Some days I truly believe he places me in situations to change perspectives. Although it sometimes feels like a burden, I’m happy that I can add to someone’s life.
To the 16-year-old girl sitting across from my desk, I am not in the greatest of places. I am not doing bad but I could be doing better. I strive for better. You will be great in what ever you apply yourself to. This is not easy, and the circumstance makes it feel impossible. But even the impossible is possible. Sometimes we need guidance, so I will guide you for a little while. It’s the least I can do being that I was once you, lost at the age of 16. Don’t worry, I am a public school kid too.

Strength

It’s 11:00 pm on a Friday night. Sitting up in the middle of my bed and all I can think about are the lives that surround me. This has been on the brain for the last couple of nights. It wakes me at 2:30 am and again at 4:45 am without looking at the time. I am truly passionate about helping people, I believe it is my calling. The problem is, it also affects me and my well being.
As humans, we are all fighting battles that no one knows about. These battles don’t have to be negative; it can be a positive one. If it is worth it, it will take hard work to accomplish. I try to be as leveled as I can be. Some days are harder than others. But I make sure that I am strong for others because sometimes that’s what they need, strength.
I speak of my current work woes. Working with homeless families is not easy. Indeed, I dream about my families and their children. It is hard to think for 30 families and some. To balance my chaos, and their need for help, I still do not know how I make it out of bed.

I do think there should be more to say, but I’ll leave it bleak. Some days I wish I had someone who I can release my work frustration to while receiving a much needed embrace and reassurance. Some days I would like someone to be strong for me.

FRESH!

Hey Blog Family!

I’m the cousin that comes around every few years, I know. But I’ve found a method to my madness. What is that you ask? Well not procrastination too much. Its understanding. Huh? Yes, understanding.

So what I’m trying to say is that, I’ve been feeling like I’m pressured to post. Thats what I’ve come to understand. THIS BLOG IS ON MY TERMS.  I kept reading other blogs and noticed that they were always updated everyday, some every few hours, and so on. BUT I’m not like the other writers, being that, some of them, actually have the time to post or that, their blogs or their jobs. Sometimes I truly am busy. But now, I’ll do things on my terms with my efforts.

Anywho, to update on my life in which I wasn’t to much able to do,

1. I’ve lost 30 lbs… yes girl, she did that! (Tamar Voice). I kept up with my resolution. I do have more weigh to go but I’m proud. All it took what a simple change of diet, and a few jogs a week. In order to lose weight, you have to be ready to do it for yourself. No one else can do this for you. IT’S JUST MY TIME.

2. I got a new job, yayyy. Uh huh. Well from previous post, I like my job but once again there goes those people who want you to fail. But I’ve been doing good and have learned a lot from the DRAMA. I’m happy at the end of it all.

3. I’m SINGLE, and that I have been for a while but my EX did exist  for a while until I decided that I wanted happiness just not with him. Long story but thats over with. I’m DATING though. My eggs aren’t placed in one basket.

4. I bought a MACBOOK! The best purchase of my year. I’m more enthuased to do more writing.

Well that’s all I can think about for now.

Happy New Year Y’all.

Forming an Alliance

Over the last few months, I’ve been in bliss. New Job, new environment, more money, and more of a busy schedule.  I just love it. I’ve been happy until yesterday.
Let me back track.
I left school in 2011 because I was in a financial hole. Before I left, I told myself that in order for my degree to work for me once I go back; I needed to find employment in my field. That I did. I started working for a non- profit agency for adults with developmental disabilities. The pay wasn’t shit BUT, I feel in love with the individuals I had the pleasure of working for. I genuinely loved my job until I was promoted. The position that I was promoted to was close to being a supervisor. So the responsibility was doubled. I had to work hand in hand with a nurse that hated me. Why? Because I was young, knowledgeable, and from time to time I would correct her on her mistakes. Sorry, but the woman I took care of, lives were at risk if I didn’t.  And if you still don’t understand what I’m saying, if your child was given the wrong medication by a provider wouldn’t you be pissed too? Okay, were on the same page now.
I Quit. It was one of the most bittersweet experiences because of the attachment that I had with the woman I took care of. It’s so real; I still call each and every one of them on their birthdays. My mind won’t let me forget. I love them.
I did find a new job before I quit the last one.  I had no idea what I was getting into but I was warned numerous times before that the people there are RATCHET. Shall I define? We’re all up to date on that term. Anyhow, the third day into the job, and I was miserable. I actually hated it. And it was still the same field. No one spoke to me, they had cliques, no good mornings, and this one woman kept attacking me. But, because they sensed that I knew the bosses, everyone wanted my demise. I don’t understand. If I know the boss, get on my team, we can grow together.  Nope. They complained to her about everything. Needless to continue because I quit that shit as soon as I found another job. It was 7 months too long and I struggled with the terrible pay.
Now I’m here at a new job, social services, but a different sector, homeless services. I love education. Nothing is more important to me than growth. If you’re not growing, we don’t need to be around each other. I’m just being honest.
I get to the job, I get my foot in, and I start working. I’m meeting my clients, moving people out into homes, I like the job. I wake up okay, I know I have an agenda, and I know I’m changing someone’s life. But until yesterday, this one woman, who happens to be working in the field for 11 years, is after me in more ways than one. I barely speak to her because of my busy schedule and trying to meet the department’s quota, being that we lost $80,000 as a department; um a raise would be nice if we can change our projections. But that’s not the case with her. I steal clients, I don’t do my work, I’m disrespectful to my supervisor, I’m unprofessional because I put my headphones on (that my boss approves) when I’m completing a two hour application online. What the hell! She set an alliance against me in the department telling everyone I’m a thief that can’t be trust. Really? This woman is 60 years old. What the hell! I do a job that everyone else applauds me on but this woman. There goes someone else after my demise.
I know that no matter where I go there will be people that don’t want to see you grow. L But damn! I can’t deal. You can feel the negativity. Everyone is for themselves and I hate that. I’m so team orientated. So being in an environment with this negativity drains me. I feel myself hating my job.
Ever been in this situation, how did you handle it?