Where were you in this photo?

The best thing about being in NYC is being able to be the first to go to anything created. This city is made for the creatives. Tonight I was reminded of how fortunate I am to have this access. I love my city to my grave but I still need to give my “future children” a better life than the madness in NYC.

As I sat in the first inaugural podcast show with all the other people who fell inlove with the Black Girl Podcast, the ever so outspoken Scottiebeam pointed to the original podcast photo and asked her friends “where were you in this photo?” Immediately I thought about the photo above and some others in my iPhoto library.

April 24, 2016 :

The other love of my life just turned one. Man I love that kid, he makes my heart melt every time I see him. Prior to his birthday party I stopped by a brunch to meet up with my cousin and a long time friend that was celebrating his birthday too. I remember wanting to keep my outfit very simple and making my lips pop. I felt good in my clothes and I think I was at my healthiest. I later went to participate in with the kiddos at the birthday party. That night I picked up “The love of my life” at the airport. I knew that I would later cuddle in his arms and wake up with him the next morning. That was a good day for me.

However, there’s more. During this time I knew I was experiencing moments of depression for all types of reasons. I was fighting with my parents, the “love of my life” and I were still fighting about us, and my living situation aggravated my soul. But the one thing that made that photo memorable were the morning runs. I worked so hard on my peace why I ran almost every morning. I felt sane, in a way that I’m missing now. I feel like I let everything that happened get the best of me. I went back up a size, my breast are a triple D, and my skin is begging for water.

Thanks to this live podcast, I’m inspired to get like that girl in the photo above. Somewhere in time I forgot to love myself. A little inspiration always helps.

Where were you?

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I will not…..

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January 2018, Union Square Park

Can you believe it’s almost May? I can’t believe it either because it feels like fall in New York City. I cannot wait to take my talents to the south so I can enjoy the warmer climate. But about April…..

I celebrated my 29th birthday with my family and a few close friends. I think cutting cake became a family tradition a few years ago if birthdays were during the week, so it was only right to invite too many people this year in my tiny studio apartment for cake. I wasn’t the happiest at the start of my day but the love was felt by the end.

I’ve been in crunch time mode this month trying to finish up a couple classes and adjusting my time management at work. Goal number two is on the way and I need to find the motivation to keep pushing through. Look out for me June 7th.

Scrolling through Instagram stories, one of my favorite bloggers expressed that she felt sad and realized that she was still grieving the loss of her mother. She continued to express that it was okay to be sad, cry, or be in a funk because it’s part of the process. This resonated with me because I too am grieving. The loss of my grandmother still triggers me, a recent break up has me completely torn, and an old friend died a week ago during heart surgery; I’m grieving.

The biggest assumption about me is that I am strong, but I feel too. I feel a lot more than I want to and sometimes I sacrifice more of myself to comfort others so I appear strong. Today I am proclaiming that I am currently weak. And there is nothing wrong with being weak, I’m okay being weak. I took my ass to a therapist and asked for help to become stronger again because I am feeling right now. I may or may not be quite in May but I most definitely will be much better, THANKS to my bomb ass therapist!

Thanks to my Friend Kenny: Amanda means “Will not Fall” in Igbo.

Affirming: “I WILL NOT FALL”

How was your April and what are you anticipating for May?

NY to MD

July was a cool month. A little travel here and there but worth it. Simply enjoying the sun hit my skin is all I need to enjoy the summer. This month was filled with amazing events in New York City. Many that I missed because of last minute planning with other events and vice versa. Wish I were cloned so I could be in multiple places at once. Here are a few things I was able to capture a moment of in July.

CURLFEST

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The Curly Girl Collective’s CURLFEST 2017 was AMAZING. I wasn’t able to lounge for long but it was fun for the time being. I call it black girl appreciation day. All that melanin in one place was pure LOVE.  Besides the NSBE conference I attended a few years ago, and Essence street style block party, CURLFEST was out here in Brooklyn creating melanin memories. It’s great to have such representation. One of the best moments for me was seeing daughters and their mothers, young girls need to see how we come in all shades and what we represent. I’ll be there next year prepared with a cooler filled with water, wine, and food. Continue reading “NY to MD”

Happy April, I got the FEELS

Yesterday, March 31st, I woke up and I was miserable. At first I blamed it on the rain. I poured a glass of almond milk, put on my active wear, and left for the gym. I spent only 35 minutes in the gym because I was not feeling it. During my workout, I listened to Myliek’s last podcast and it was on point, I got the feels. I did cardio, lifted a few weights, worked on these gluts, and left.
I came back home, washed my hair, and headed back out to the salon so I could look decent again. Quick hair update, I use cantu and it’s working wonders on my hair, I need to cut my ends but I’m scared, yeah that’s it. I purchased some Jamaican style oxtail, stopped by my parent’s house to hang with my little sister, cousin, and pick up my mail that I fail to have sent to my apartment.
I have the feels. I’m tired. My work schedule is moving around so much that it’s making me more tired. School, I’m tired of it, but I have another semester to go and a summer class.

I bought a Groupon massage that I saved for my birthday, 10 days to go, because I need it. I want to be hugged so bad, I need human touch, but not from everyone. That sounds strange but I can’t hug everyone and I would rather it be from someone it feels genuine from. So, I’m hug-less until I see my Brad Brad (God child).

I seen a quote yesterday via twitter,

“Do you understand the violence it took to become this gentle”

I’m vulnerable and I’m going to feel out these feels until the feelings disappears.

CURRENTLY

Today is a snow day. But as per the photo above, the 18 inches the meteorologist reported isn’t outside my window and New York City is shut down.
Yes, living right off the train is different but I’m use to it.
I’m currently binge watching “How to Get Away with Murder” because my co-workers want to talk about it. It’s the perfect time since Metropolitan Transit Authority (MTA) decided to shut down my train line since 4:00 this morning.
I’m the big 2 8 in less than a month. I’m taking off the weekend after my birthday so what city to next? ATL and Texas are my next options because I’ll be in the Bay in July. I want to go to Salt Lake City just for the scenery, I know very random. Any other suggestions?

What’s currently happening with you?

Rediscovering Peace : Reliving experiences

Paris 2014

My cousin and I happen to be living the same situation in some sorts and decided that we needed a little fun. We RSVP’d for Essence Street Style Block party, dressed up, and jumped on the D train to Brooklyn.

 “Our people” are amazing, and don’t let anyone tell you different, we are some pretty people for real. Food trucks, vendors, and music were everywhere. I loved seeing the parents that brought their children out to the festivities; my definition of a family day. I feel we should start early when teaching our children culture. When God blesses me with children, I will take them to events like street Style.
As we walked around the streets of Dumbo, stopped at a local sushi spot, and met up with a friend of mine. The street lights came on and we were ready to go home. So we took a stroll by Brooklyn Bridge Park.
Nostalgia kicked in and I stopped to notice the place I was in. Just a few years ago, I was there with some friends. Snapping photos and discussing life. Met a guy that spoke of Brooklyn’s outrageous gentrification and where he found most of his inspiration was in the same place we were sitting at that moment. What I had remembered the most was how happy I was. Those days were smooth. I was drama free (what I always try to be because I keep a low profile), started a new job, dated because it was fun, and I was planning my trip to Paris.
This location happened by accident this past weekend but it brought me peace. I was reminded to revisit the things that once made me happy. Since then, I’ve listened to a few songs that brought me back to good times, looked through some photos on my Mac Book of the good ol’ days, and journal about it.

I’m grateful for those moments and I will continue seeking that happiness all while planning to relive those experiences again within the next few months. I would love to jump on a plan to Paris again but the way things are going, local travels are probable.  I might make it to Ohio instead for my need of random traveling. I keep talking about moving to Ohio and my cousin insists that I visit sooner than later, so October here I come (hopefully).

Oh by the way, I’m glad I didn’t rush home because I seen Angela Simmons and I spoke to Sanya Richards Ross! HYPED! LOL
Don’t you just love random nights?